The Obnoxious Fiction Of Life: This Is Not True

2010-02-18T00:31:00.004+08:00

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

An Idiom and What I Call My Private Part - Butterfingers

2010-02-15T21:50:00.003+08:00

Like most 14 year olds, I was initially confused by the release of Butterfingers' 2001 album 'Malayneum' after a very successful full fledged hard rock 1999 album of bedlam, 'Transcendence'. It's what I learned from Eddie Izzard called the 'cake baking conundrum' which questions the reasons for baking the cake when it comes out of the oven tastes less good than the cake batter. Of course for the aforementioned theory to be true, 'Malayneum' has to be proven an inferior of the two, but in truth, it's not. I mean, for a 14 year old the harder it rocks (in this case, extensive use of feedback, heavily distorted fast guitar riffs and a wicked epic album cover) the better it is. But it's different with 'Malayneum'. It's like Dave Matthews innocently murdered Kurt Cobain to front the band and release his own Nirvana album. A cheeky one at that.

It's not easy to categorise Butterfingers' music; more than any other group, their sound can be describe as "Butteresque" or as the band themselves would call it, "Butter Sound". It's akin to a combination of Silverchair (or maybe the usual, obvious comparison-Nirvana), Oasis, 1995 Alanis Morisette, The Pixies and everyother rock band that's ever existed. The abstruse art of the band is derived from the four different distinct derivative force. There's Loque (now reborn as the quasi-alter ego of early-mid-nineties Beck), Emmett (the self-centred, self-proclaimed rocket scientist), Kadak (the hard-headed, inner-sensitive funktastic bass player) and drummer Loco (well, the drum machine). Alike The Beatles, Bob Dylan, The Killers and Radiohead, they refuse to conform to society's paradigm of producing non-evolving symphonies .Even the most casual audiences would notice the overwhelming degree of change in their still counting 14 years of recording. A span that covers their experimentation in music from the lo-fi recording of raw angst, pseudo pop, hard rock, a tinge of blues, indie, keroncong and folk songs. A period only complicated by the band being shunned by the media when playing on live national television barefooted, acted as pretentiously disorganised children and kicking the mic stand (in Layman's terms, THEY ROCKED OUR FACES OFF!).

It may be redundant to call them as the greatest band Malaysia have ever seen but when they're notoriously known for playing ingenious live performances and holds up a brilliant discography one might want to think twice before taking such honours off of their resume.

After Kurt Cobain killed himself by embedding shotgun shells in his head in April 1994, Loque decided to plugged in his guitar and engaged in a mercurial menage a trois jam session with Eddie Vedder and the ghost of Kurt Cobain. While the ghost of Mr. Cobain acted as the ruefully tormented soul and always disagreeing with the other two's jam selections, Eddie was the lesser tormented of the two (because of the not-committing-suicide factor) but for some obscure reasons was very very furious and Loque was just happy to be there, but eventually succumbs to the teen angst driven guitar riffs fingered by the forsaken ghost and the ghastly wailing of Mr. Vedder. Then as we know it, there was 1.2 Milligrams ready for us locals teens' to sing our crucified heart out with mediocre English lexicons.

There are eleven songs on this originally released cassette tape of which seem to be like conversations between teenagers who spend a lot time slacking off at work with an in-depth understanding of life. The album opens with a frivolous commentary by Mr. Emmett, "Feeling uneasy definitely ugly/And it makes me feel guilty/Don't you feel sorry in between polarity" sounds a bit like an unfortunate episode of a genteel man having a digestive gas problem in a public place. Then he continues to say something of cohesive resemblance to what John Lennon sings in the song "Imagine"- Nutopia: a country of peace, "Never been to a place like here/Never seen it anywhere/Since it's new it has no tangles/Isolations have no flower/ Very sincere..". Virtually every song they wrote during this period focuses on the establishment of teenagers' melodrama, rebellious addiction ("Nicc O' Tynne"), utter confusion ("Royal Jelly"), innocent dream ("Wet Blanket") or sometimes by means of random titles in ascending number of syllables ("Me", "Ugly" and "In the Calm"). It's the perfect debut album with not a single dull moment. A well deserved A.

Things escalated with 'Butter Worth Pushful' especially for Oasis fans who craved for a pop saturated rock album that actually rocks. After they finally have the chops to hire a person who can command all the little buttons in the recording studio, the band stacked up a set of which may not be radio friendly ("Still River", "Skew", "E") but more conservative ("Delirium", "Ruin by the Selling Out") compositions for the local scene's liking. This album is to Butterfingers as 'The Bends' is to Radiohead. It's not defective but not impressive either. It's the most average rock album released by any local band in the nineties. It's got the necessary charms ("Girl Friday") and originality ("Fire is a Curse") but still maintains it's inspiring roots ("Stolen", "Garden City of Lights"). But being only involved with the underground scene and sings in English, the music press never covered the band justly. They were apparently enchanted by the revelation of KRU (three Malay dudes who tried rapping like the Beastie Boys (who is actually three white Jewish dudes who tried rapping and nailed it) but failed miserably). Still, putting bad rapping aside, "Butter Sound" has never been better yet it's a weary one to succeed it's predecessor. 'Butter Worth Pushful' earns an A-.

When Led Zeppelin IV came out in 1971, they have practically conquered the United States and the world. 'Transcendence' could be put in the same manner as the English rock band's achievement in relative to a more local milestone. It marks the band third studio album, an album mostly remembered for it's black and white album cover. Butterfingers get darker and literally transcends any expectations for a rock album. The album starts off with "The Chemistry (Between Us)" and never gets any worse. It's like they're still angered by the same reasons in 1.2 mg but are amplified by certain rationalisations and they still have no idea what the they are, but they were clearly learning lessons about life. It was a period of inner growth and introspection. If there is ever a parallel universe where the album can be compared to a Beatles' album, it'd be 'Revolver'. It embodies the essential qualities as they both were maturing in experimenting music and songwriting. They single handedly showcased a massive potential and talent in a twelve-songs album of which they pondered about the complications of relationships in the opening track, "Why?/It's so real/Fall in love again?/It's all we have to live/Whenever I'm unseen/I blame it on myself", the effects of hallucinogens ("Faculties of the Mind") when Mr. Emmett repeatedly sings, "On and on the days go on/ On and on for what I've made wrong/For all this time the times are useless/Have you been through the wonderful mind?" and mysteries ("Mystery") of which then they cleared that it was of nothing, "Mystery hey hey hey/Mystery of nothing". The album gets an A.

2001 proved to be a turning point for Butterfingers as it was the year the previously mentioned revelatory album, 'Malayneum' was released. In an interview with DJ George in the album 'Butter Late Than Never', when was asked about why did they call the album 'Malayneum', Emmett calmly replied, "It seems to represent the whole album. You know, more to psychedelic Malay music, 60s Malay.". Which can be explained by means of a collaboration between A. Rahman Hassan and Jeffry Din after consuming 500 sheets of mediocre acid. Essentially this is a stripped-down rock album with every touchstone of great aspect of music playing covered: The arrogant bass line of "Malayneum", the innocence of "Pacific", the audacity of "Ginseng" and the melodic nous of "Suddenly" though it sounded more alike of Thom Yorke's mumblings with every listening session of the song. The first 79 seconds of the opening track, "Malayneum" proves that eloquency and sheer tenacity can coexists (as God intended) in a same entity. And the knock-out punch is saved for last. Nowhere is the avidity of redemption more pronounced than on the song "Suddenly" (Emmett: "Splat in the ceiling/Shaping a tear/Unhappy with the slightest stain on your soul/Flooded with choices/So people will love you/Some people you'll see") accompanied by a hauntingly beautiful guitar solo through the end. Though it's still channelling a bit of early Dinosaur Jr. style (their distinct sound, characterised by high gain, extensive use of feedback and distortion), but they have clearly grown weary of such element considering they did a charming re-imagination of a popular children song, "Pretty Rain". An A+, especially for the ingenious use of a dead person's expiation on the last track of the album.

The lack of public interest in the album 'Malayneum' was evident by the decreased in sales of the album hugely due to the lack of imagination and appreciation of art. A good album that nobody actually likes much like Wilco's 'Yankee Hotel Foxtrot' (or any other of their album for that matter). This subconsciously drove the band to release their first Malay language album 'Selamat Tinggal Dunia' which literally translated to "Goodbye World". For better or worse, 'Selamat Tinggal Dunia' have been about something, be it self-indulgence ("Nyilu (hidup makan tidur mati muzik)" and "Taman Tasik Perdana"), rebellion against iniquitous use of power and genitals by the beau mondes ("Daulat Tuanku", Emmett: "Parti hujung minggu/Kereta BMW/Cari gebu-gebu/Teman beradu".). But the title song is a nonetheless persuasive litany of reclusion, contemplation and salvation. Emmett sings it like he means it - "Pasir jerlus/Litar pintas/Jerangkap samar/Selamat tinggal dunia/Semangatku takkan luntur/Marilah pulang kepangkuan". And the icing on the cake is the cryptic lyrics in "Kabus Ribut" - like Bob Dylan, you're never quite sure of what they're actually on when Emmett sings, "Terusan kabus ribut yang melimpah/Yang mengucap tiba/Ku ingin bersamamu/Sehingga akhirnya/Kabus, kabus ribut/Indah berseri-seri" - and suddenly we realised that Butterfingers' agenda doesn't even need a defined form to entrance or creep you out. And for that sole reason, it gets an A. That, and the scream at the beginning of the song "Merpati Sejoli".

After the successful transition in their last album, 'Kembali' comes next. The unbearable heaviness of being Butterfingers continues. Now, predictably, in an attempt to reinvent themselves as a more elusive entity, they've made an album that by it's mere existence will only heighten the curiosity of their devotees. By far, they succeeded exceptionally. We are curious indeed. Seemingly overwhelmed by the exorbitant praise heaped upon the very dark "Malayneum" and "Selamat Tinggal Dunia", Butterfingers decided to get in touch with the the Malay culture's syair, prose, joget and keroncong and produced an avant-garde-like 'Kembali'. I used the term avant-garde-like because as what the terms represents, 'Kembali' is an unconventional and is ahead of it's time. Nobody understands why it's the way it is. In an interview taken from their Youtube channel, Emmett said, "the theme is like a lagu rakyat. Lagu rakyat untuk rakyat." and for what it's worth, Kadak also corrected the fact that it's not a straight-up keroncong album, but "pop-keroncong". And they spend the second half of the interview trying to explain what keroncong is to the interviewer. I mean, have there ever been a successful pop-keroncong or keroncong album in the past four decades? And with the rapid surges of bands representing new-age musics (Komplot, the-know-defunct Laila's Lounge, Hujan and Yuna), can they really pull this off?

Thus far, 'Kembali' has provided stuff old, new, borrowed and suprisingly jolly than ever. Our grandad would surely love this album which is also one of their goal - to attract the old-timers. The deadpan singing reminds me of the later years of Lou Reed (I resort to Lou Reed because while everybody compares it to our late R. Azmi, I was never familiar with the guy). It opens with Emmett greeting the listeners with "Selamat datang ke masa depan" ("Welcome to the future") and in the future is where we are. The song "Merdeka" is the one song where the keroncong effect really shows off though someone mentioned that it came off a bit like ska. But with a little help from music legend Pak Kassim Masdor who once worked with the late P. Ramlee (which makes me wonder whether did Pak Kassim's name inspired the renown auteur to name our beloved character 'Pendekar Mastur' in the movie 'Pendekar Bujang Lapuk'. Or was it 'Pendekar Mustar'?), pretty much reassures us that the Butterfingers are competent as ever. Like it's predecessor, this album is obsessed with hopes and dreams. But with "Joget Global", "Air Liur di Kuala Lumpur", "Maharani" and "Bebas", the real world keeps intruding in all it's glory. At best, It deserves a B+ especially because of the song "Mati Hidup Kembali", a song that accompanies a music video that implies our war veterans are capable of singing a beautiful ballad while being abused by ferocious yet deceiving Marxist disciples.

It's bleak and subtle, but the Butterfingers has done more than making great musics, they have captured our hearts. They bind us up in a freaky-fetish kinda way, kidnapped and fed us epinephrine before throwing us off a bridge by a bungee cord. They overwhelmed us with their energy and bombast which have put us through an emotional mangle. It's the best kind of a rock story. One which mixes impossible glamour with brief excursions to the wild side. Which starts from a meager high school band and ends in huge acclaim. And that is why Butterfingers is the only band that can welcome us to the future.

____________
Sources are taken from;
1) Interviews from Butterfingerstheband Youtube channel
2) Butterfingers (Malaysian Band) Wikipedia page
3) Butterfingers discography
4) The ever-evolving interweb

Khottal

2009-12-06T03:04:00.007+08:00

A piece I wrote for Indie.my. A friend's webpage about local scene. Well at least I tried to.

Shakespeare once wrote,

If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die.

On which he lamented if music could cure the obsession of unrequited love. So much that it could take it's place instead. I have no idea how am I going to relate that phrase to what I was meaning to write in the first place - the band Khottal, but I did have them pictured in my mind when I was reading the phrase.

I love writing about music. The sound they omitted, not the collective individuals who made them. Khottal in essence, fits perfectly in that standart of mine (just because I've never, (a) Read a full length interview about them (b) Interviewed them before. So, this basically cancels out the previous sentence.). This is because, when interviewed, personalities are unfold. And personality goes a long way, like how Jules from the movie Pulp Fiction argue why he doesn't consider dog as a filthy animal as to pigs,

I wouldn't go as far to call a dog filthy, but they're definitely dirty. But a dog's got personality and personality goes a long way.

Now now, I'm not comparing Khottal to either dogs nor pigs. But without the so called charisma, they're a mystery (at least to me), which is a good thing (like the Bermuda Triangle, the real indentity of Jack the Ripper and lightsabers.), as long as you play good music - for a band of course. The 'personality-charisma' rule is an exception for Khottal, I believe the band's music speaks for them (atleast now). Just like how Bob Dylan and Pete Doherty did with their music (not if you count answering reporters' question reluctantly and mumblings as a masterful charisma).

As far as charisma goes, one of the band's track; Woo Song is like the Martin Luther King of songs (if you prefer our own, take Mahathir or Anwar. Either one, you choose.). In abundance of indie rock songs popping up these days, most of them are not able to deliver what 'Woo Song' has - clarity, OR, HOW HARD IT ROCKED YOUR FACE OFF!

But I find it hard to ignore the fact that 'Woo Song' sounds a lot like Arcade Fire's 'Wake Up'. Mostly the part where the 'woo' comes along and most of it's music arrangement. While they did state that the Canadian indie rock outfit is one of their influences alongside The Vaselines, Belle & Sebastian, The Velvet Underground and Broken Social Scene, they humbly infer themselves and their fans that there's still a lot of work to do to be calling them Malaysia's Arcade Fire when interviewed by KLUE, "Many people out there compare us to Arcade Fire or Broken Social Scene ... we're still not that good, man!".

Consists of ten members, a rare quality to our local scene, the band thrives on producing baroque-esque persona music much like the band's influences. As of now, they had a single on their resume which came out in September entitled "Woo Song"¹.

In a way, relating to the aforementioned Shakespeare quote, maybe they could cure unrequited love.

Either that or this is another failed copy of Arcade Fire. Let's hope for love's sake they're not.

________________________
1. For details on purchasing the single, check out their blog, and Facebook.

I Beg My Pardon

2009-12-06T01:05:00.002+08:00

Whether it's the skylark's singing
Or the nightingale's lulling
does it matter?

Whether the time is day
Or the sky is dark
The heart yearns
It's heiress' arcs

"Out of her favour, where I am in love"
He says in grief
"Ah just like what Romeo says"
I replied in relief

But in truth I rather weep.

I May Be Paranoid, But No Android

2009-11-23T02:52:00.004+08:00

If you're a music fan, you probably would talk or ponder about music most of the day. Things like who is better than whom or how great your favourite band is or even better, update your top five band list. As a music lover, I myself have done all of these things. For example, my all time favourite band is, 1) The Beatles 2) Radiohead 3) B.B King/Muddy Waters (or any other blues band) 4) The Velvet Underground 5) The Clash. Most of them are before my time, so I made another list that should make sense to most of the hamlet of my age; 1) Radiohead 2) Wilco 3) Rage Against The Machine 4) Arcade Fire 5) Coldplay (why Radiohead is on both lists will be explained later).

It's a profound and complex process - listing the top five (and also, making mix tapes). It shows who you really are or at least how good you choose the music you would want to put your integrity on. OR, HOW HARD DO YOU ROCK YOUR FACE OFF!

For example The Beatles is a great band but it's rather a safe choice, less risky (unlike Duran Duran or Oasis) because I can't really find a bad side of the band and I've never met anyone that really hates them like Paul McCartney and John Lennon hate each other pasca 1969. I find hating The Beatles is like hating a cute kitten rubbing it's face when it's waking up from a nap (this sentiment only applies to The Beatles prior to 1965). But nevertheless, by not taking an insecure choice, the rules conclude that having The Beatles in your top five says that you have a good taste in music but also, a pussy (this term also applies when you chose the likes of The Clash, Rolling Stones Led Zeppelin etc.).

On why Radiohead is on both lists is the reason I write this friggin' thing in the first place. There's a back story involving an ape-man who likes hardcore music and a blaringly boring afternoon. The ape-man person inquire me on which I like the most from his given choice, 1) Radiohead 2) Coldplay. Hesitantly, I answered 'Radiohead'. He didn't ask why which is a tad sad because the 'hesitantly' part was because I was thinking of the reason to back up my choice. After I gave the answer I realised there is no reason for me favouring Radiohead. It's just seem a credible and sensible choice. On one hand you have this comatose looking vocalist who writes brilliant lyrics and joke about being depressed (the title of the song 'Paranoid Android' ¹). They basically made it look cool to be dejected, depressed etc. Coldplay on the other hand have this rugged looking vocalist who writes about girls which he admitted himself in an interview about the song "The Scientist";

"That's just about girls. It's weird that whatever else is on your mind, whether it's the downfall of global economics or terrible environmental troubles, the thing that always gets you most is when you fancy someone."

The band also sings about how yellow the stars is (which is really about Chris Martin's barren love experience) and about fixing a person (which is allegedly written to console his wife following the death of her father). If you're getting what I'm breaking down here, this explains why some crowd would class the band as "gay" as the result of they purging out these romantic lines like chanting mantras.

I don't mind being a hopeless romantic but I find being gleefully melancholic is exceptionally unrivaled ², ergo explaining why I chose Radiohead. That, and the fact that Chris Martin fucking marries Gwyneth Paltrow.

___________________________
1. Also a character from Douglas Adam's 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'. Marvin the "Paranoid Android" who is afflicted with severe depression and boredom.
2. Except for Pink Floyd and Nine Inch Nails but they're not on the list for two reasons a) I've never listened to Nine Inch Nails b) I could never fathom the music of Pink Floyd.

Excuse My Silence

2009-06-18T04:12:00.021+08:00

People never give a damn.
You can find a lot of reasons to enjoy any given films. To drool over the lead actress, to be taken away by the lead actor's cool persona the comedies or even the special effects. You would crawl into every inch of the movies to find a good side of it just so you could enjoy it. As a (self proclaimed) semi-elitist myself I would often face such dilemma.

What is the difference between a semi-elitist and a full fledged elitist? Elitists (like movie critics and Roslan Aziz) look down on people, ridicule everyone, listens to The Beatles Anthology, eat cereals for breakfast and crap loads of bricks. I do not. I enjoy very much the sight of Megan Fox and I eat cereals anytime I want. I do enjoy The Beatles Anthology though.

ANYWAY, summer movies is a term used to signify movies which are released in the summer. Notably from mid May till the end of August. My definition of summer movies is; Movies of comic superheroes adaptations, super-hyped action flick, chick lit, animations and just plain retarded movie spoofs done with a second class acting and with over excited producers spelunking their bank account over the movie's marketing resulting in a over-hyped phenomenon. At least that's how it is these days.

Now summer movies is never known to produce a high acting performance (except for Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder and Heath Ledger in the Dark Knight), a complex plot (except for The Dark Knight. Well not really, but close enough. Watchmen) and good directing (except for Christopher Nolan in The Dark Knight. Again. What can I do. I'm a fan), but it is the time of the year where the cinemas is packed with audiences who watches movies for no reason at all (yes you need one good reason at least-- to drool over Megan Fox), and I think it's my responsibility to show you which movie you should put your money on.

I watched The Brothers Bloom -which turned out to be one great con film- last week with my 4 brothers, a family in the front row and ten retard bastards in the back row. This is one of the reasons why I claimed myself to be a semi-elitist. I watch good films, make a big deal about it, I appreciate it, hate everyone who doesn't but I do nothing about it. An elitist would complain or bitch-talk his/her victims in his/her blog with words the victims would never understand themselves. But ANYWAY, the reason why the ten bastards are retards is they buy the tickets expecting the movie to be somewhat like an Adam-Sandler-ish-road trip movie. Well unfortunately for them, it's not. Brothers Bloom is like a Woody Allen's films, well one-fourth of Woody Allen's humour plus the vibe of George Clooney's Ocean Eleven (you might not get the idea. I suck at this). So they complain like hound dog bitches at the back which annoyed me through the entire movie. It's not their fault really, I would blame the marketing. In this case, the poster;

Of which I think look good. The movie IS about those four people plus a whole lot of conning. Well you can't put conning in a picture can you? So I guess it's the bastards fault after all for having naive expectations when buying the tickets. And to make my point, an example of a god-awful movie poster is;

This poster just did it for me. The acting and plot could never get any better. And hear me say, that I call it first that G.I Joe, would be a mess this summer.

Now since summer movies is at it's peaks, I would like to share with you what I think about the movies. Coming in next week is of course the over-hyped Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. There is nothing, I repeat wrong OR bad about Transformers (they are a gift from God or so Elias from Clerks 2 would put it in words), but from the trailers, we can see they are selling the film as an action pack way over the top, hence explains the over-hyped term used before. I mean come on, everything is blowing up. For no fucking reason. Even the sands! It's like the desperate Michael Bay (who is notoriously known for using big explosions in is films; Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, The Rock, The Island, BAD BOYS 2) is running out of concrete to blow up and even Jell-Os would be great by then. THANK GOD FOR SANDS, HALLELUJAH!

But ANYWAY, I couldn't help myself to care more about the acting. I can't critisize Shia Labeouf's acting while Megan Fox is straddling a bike in mini shorts. It's Megan Fox! Esquire even made a clip of her waking up in the morning and lying by a swimming pool. In black bras!
As conclusion, enjoy the movie, but don't get over excited over it. Don't go around saying it's the coolest movie ever. Because it's not. The coolest movie ever is The Dark Knight.

Why The Dark Knight? Because unlike the Transformers, Heath Ledger died before the release and that just did it. And the scariest part is, it's true. People never really take his films serious before (except for Brokeback Mountain and Monster's Ball). 10 Things I Hate About You? Casanova? A Knight's Tale? Admit it people. You never really cared for Heath Ledger and that's why he takes drugs, overdosed and died. Shame on you.

But ANYWAY, you can't compare the two films. It won't do justice to The Joker. Come on, The Joker and Megatron? If I were to go out on a limb, I would say The Dark Knight is literature. The Joker's dialogue is in itself is art. And to portray him as sulky, vulgar, brilliant yet psychotic is just genius. I mean for the first time, kids wanted to be the bad guy! The Joker affect the society. He doesn't want to take over the world for no fucking reason (like The Penguin), he doesn't want to play riddles in spandex costumes. He's a villain with philosophies, along with Don Vito Corleone ("Now you come and say "Don Corleone, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me "Godfather." You come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to do murder - for money") and Tony Montana ("You know what capitalism is? Getting fucked!"). What he really wants is to show us that evil exists in everyone of us -even a speck would put out a glimmer of hope- with a diabolical and highly elaborated plan. He did manage to do that exactly. Well, Batman and Gordon cheated at the end. But apparently they have a very good reason for it.

The best that Michael Bay's Transformers could do is pop culture. And trust me, you would want it that way.

And unfortunately for that same (unclear) reasons is why X-Men: Origins, soon to be released G.I. Joe and Terminator Salvation is not up to the task.

The only movie this summer could offer as contender is Star Trek. But still nowhere near in the vicinity of the Nolan-Bale epic.

Having said that, I think it's easier if I just tell you which to look out for.

500 Days of Summer.
UP.
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (because Snape kills Dumbledore!!).
Funny People.
Away We Go.
Inglourious Basterds.
Drag Me To Hell.

Yes people, these are the good ones that is left. But you won't need my permission to waste your money on the bad ones.

And ouh, my personal favourite,

The Hangover.

And it's rated R. Eat that PG-13-ed Terminator Salvation.

Day Thirty Five

2009-06-04T15:00:00.000+08:00

Tetris Orgy

Day Twenty Seven (Instrumental)

2009-05-27T23:02:00.001+08:00

M. Ward

Day Twenty Seven

2009-05-27T17:36:00.000+08:00

9:30. I woke up.
Like I did every morning. I meant the time. Not the part that I come to my conscious. Now that I said it, it's not like every morning. I usually wakes up at 7:30. Today I'm late.

Is it just me that thinks morning time is the best time for coffee?

I guess not.

Day Twenty Six

2009-05-26T09:42:00.001+08:00

7:30. I woke up.
I can't see. I hate waking up to this. The vision of mirage and it confuses. I found my glasses.
I walked downstairs. It's dark. This sounding more alike to a B-rated horror movie isn't it. I switched on the light and turn the TV on. Charlie Sheen is on TV. I don't get it why people make fun of his show. At least I think they do. It's a pretty funny show. There's a kid and two grown man living in the same house making fun of each other. There's nothing more to it. No women. And what I meant by 'no women' is the inexistence of romance. People can't make fun of melodramatic relationship anymore (see daytime soap/telenovela). I hate what they did to Friends. At least the second half of it.
I changed the channel. Audrey Hepburn is on. And she's a nun. And she's lying face down on the floor begging for forgiveness. I'm in every fiber of my being is stunned. I can't help telling myself to hope somehow that this is to be the best porn ever even if it's on a local cable TV.
Went to the kitchen and made myself some toast. Then it started to rain. I like hearing the sound of rain falling down on the ceiling. Comforting. Safe. Like wearing a condom.

Day Twenty Five

2009-05-25T12:35:00.000+08:00

I'm the kind of person when I'm bored I'll ridicule my friends online. The one with an online account which means most of them. I don't know why. They watch crappy movies read crappy books and listens to bad music. I can't help myself.

I'm disgusted with myself. But it's just because I made the confession here.

Day Twenty Four

2009-05-24T23:05:00.001+08:00

Mary Mack

Day Twenty One

2009-05-23T10:01:00.004+08:00

Now, Rod Stewart may could never be the ultimate Rock N Roll star when compared to Kurt Cobain, John Lennon, Robert Plant and Johnny Rotten. Because well ... He's pretty much lacks the essentials of a rock star. First, he's pretty much alive while Cobain swallowed shotgun shells, Lennon got himself shot by a psychopath (four times), Plant released a folk rock/country album with Alison Krauss (yes people, I am being sarcastic), and kids seem to adore Tom Delonge and Hoppus, I suppose Mr Rotten would be god then. Rod Stewart only gets drunk and then puke in his English mansion. But having said that, I personally think Rod Stewart has the best singing voice. Ever. Now people my age never listens to Rod Stewart, so god knows I can't argue this with anyone, but they are totally going to dismiss my thought immediately (hands down -obliterate- it) if ever put it on the table. And people whose older than me will think anything comes out of my mouth is heresy. His singing voice sounds like how a very very thirsty person would sing. For example, if I'm thirsty, very thirsty, and if I sing, I would sound like Rod Stewart. And that sound is magnificent. I pretty much rest my case.

Care for some alien monsters movie?

Day Nineteen

2009-05-19T08:45:00.006+08:00

Though I don't look like one, I always think how I would die.
And how people in my life would remember me by. And what would they write about me in my obituary. I don't really have that much friend really. I thoroughly have eliminated any sort of contact in the virtual world (given that everybody make some friends over the internet these days). Okay except the Friendster. And Facebook. But I hardly log in to either of them. It just seem reasonable to have one. Heesh, conformity, and I say I follow the teaching of philosopher Johnny Rotten. Really, I hate the fact (I hate a lot of things lately) that people think we could actually make friends through this media which in the first place does not encourage you to engage in outdoor activities or meet people in the first place. I don't understand how a person could be nice and friendly to a person you would never care in real life with a comment on his/her Facebook. Unless you're Tom Hanks and she's Meg Ryan and you guys just found out about the email on the internet in downtown Seattle OR you're just stalking. Mostly, it's the latter. Other that that it's a futile attempt to look hip like John Travolta in the movie Hairspray remake. It's what the society is doing today. It's the effing culture. I'm trying to explain why I never tend my online account anymore. So the online friends is totally out of the list who'll write in my obituary. And just this morning, before she went to work, my mom lectured me about God have written my fate and everything. And everything includes my death. It's not really qualified for a lecture really. Not long enough. More like a rant, just because I questioned the idea of my written fate. I know. I sound more like a revolutionary atheist day by day. If you would venture on the idea how I would become in the future if I keep this going, I'd be more like a character in an article of a local tabloid that your ustazs/parents tell to their children to repent and make full use of your brains or else it'll melt down. Yes. I could be a male Sufiah Yusof.
But then again, they are telling the truth, and I am lying.

REALLY, CLICK HERE. NOW

2009-05-18T21:05:00.003+08:00

Coldplay live album. FOR FREE DOWNLOAD!

Hell yeah!

Aren't you glad you clicked on my blog just now?

Day Eighteen

2009-05-18T15:35:00.005+08:00

I honestly have nothing better to do.
It's a break. Doing nothing is the prime objective. For some people, yes. But I've been doing this for forever now. It's like The Stones been doing their music tour. Without the girls and booze and adrenaline-pumping-kick-ass show since 1969 OR the Rocky movies. Without the girls and booze and the adrenaline-pumping-kick-ass show. So yes, it's a voyage into darkness. A darkness where mothers are still asking too many questions and people still anticipate who is going to be the winner of American Idol 7. Or is it 8? Really, if not being a total ignorant about the texture of our society, I don't know what have this dysfunctional world taught me. Ignorance is bliss anyway. If I really ever care or listen to everything I'd be Darth Vader post-joining the dark side. I should be like that really though. But ANYWAY, American Idol? I never knew an Idol with an album with a quiver of substance in it. Heck not even one that I can get high to either. Kelly Clarkson latest single is 'My Life Would Suck Without You' and the Underwood girl is just whining and and trying hard singing like she's a tough chick. But then again, that's how a country chick suppose to do it anyway. So she's cool. Plus, I have never listened to any of the Idol either. So yes, none of what I said can be taken into consideration if you're considering bashing me. It's not that I hate the Idol. I just despise the idea of the Idol and some other reality TV shows conveying. In Idol (just because almost everybody watches it), Everybody loves everybody. It's like The Beatles from 1960 to 1967. Nothing but love. 1967's Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band does not count because as much as they were still singing about love, the album grew about when they're tired of touring. Yes people, giving out too much love at almost constant of a time is tiring and you're fooling yourself. Love is tyranny. So yes, play dress up and write quirky but still zero cool songs is the answer. Not 42 (as implied by Douglas Adam of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, well, the album IS apart of life the universe and everything). But then again, I am criticising the most well known band and the one with the most fan in the whole wide world yet. So don't worry, everything will be fine. As long as you don't care. But ANYWAY, the Idol should be more alive. Real. Like the TV show, Lost. It answers a question with another question. Because that's how life is. A whole elaborated fabrication.
How convinced are you that the earth is a planet?

It's Better Empty

2009-05-03T00:53:00.002+08:00

It's empty. Fitrah manusia selalunya akan isi ruang yang kosong. Tangki minyak kereta, perut kosong, gelas minum, pagi ahad, malam minggu. You get the idea. So, the same goes for me.

What i'm trying to fill in is, this blog of mine. Not with another versions of 'verses of a slanted braincell'. Don't feel like doing poetry. Someone once said; 'Don't fuck with poetry'. If you feel not like doing it, then don't. Pretentious you're being. Or so how Master Yoda would have said it.

So day one at home. Feels vindicated. You know, like that girl said; 'I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while'. Feels pussy quoting that. Just because the chick spouts wicked lines like a monk chanting mantras and my egoistic hormones won't forgive myself for thinking she's just so effing cool. Don't worry, I'll get over it.

"Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy." He whispers.

Okay, bukan dalam masa terdekat ni. All in good time.

For now, the pussy misses the mouse.

The Beautiful Living Thing

2009-04-23T20:27:00.001+08:00

It's a pier just by the river. The river with the moonlight on it. Sparkles with no shame. It's always the moon. Never argues with it. It's always the fucking moon. Even when it's cloudy. People would talk about the moon. How the moon cowers in fear amongst the clouds, for she cannot bear the despair the night brings. There's always a way for the moon to make an entrance. Sometime, sometime, you'd wish it's not the moon. It'd be something else. Something more alive. the one you can touch. Talk to. Don't even care if it doesn't even talk. Just wanted a face expression. A face that says;

"Hey, wake up. It's just a fucking moon!"

The Love Song Of Mohd Bule Mohd Azmi

2009-03-22T19:05:00.004+08:00

Let us go to the streets with endless names and a crying dame
And walk the night out of her shame.
Let us go when it's nighttime and the moon shines in flames
To where the whisperers speak and the politician shrieks.
Let us go to the streets where our eyes speak to the people who greets.
And they'll say 'How would you like your coffee today?'
Like warning the people; impending doom is on its way.
Let us go the streets where two paths meet
And pick the one where flowers grow in a heartbeat.
Let us go to the field to see the trees dance awkwardly,
To a tune of the wind that moves like a lady.
Let us go at twilight to see the moon,
And measure our love with a coffee spoon
Let us go by the fall of the first morning dew,
For its poetry is so pure and true.
But I think I shall never see anything that imbues
A poem as beautiful as you.

You're A Lucky Man. With Fire In Your Hands

2009-03-18T10:15:00.004+08:00

Lets pretend you'll suffer a memory loss when you're thirty. Not all of it. Just five years. Okay maybe 'just five years' is an understatement, but the best five years of your life. It could be anything; kindergarten, high school, or college. Or, it could be when the day you met a stranger and fell in love with him/her at first sight. You will fall in love with her. The kind of 'you jump, I jump' love kinda thing. Now, this is guaranteed. And it will develop into somewhat more of a serious relationship; You guys adopted a puppy together. Okay okay, engaged, maybe even married. Now now lets not get all too rosy. Memory loss. You will not remember this significant person in your life, given that you were deeply in love (If that makes any sense at all to you. Atleast The Beatles says so). After the accident in which you lost your memory of, you don't recognise this person, atleast not anymore. You will have no feelings whatsoever for this person. But people around you've been telling that you two were once very in love and care for each other. You tried to remember, but nothing gives. You'll find old pictures of the two of you together. You tried hard and harder but not even the slightest hint would inspire you to love her/him again. She's'/he's a stranger to you. Just like when you met her/him and fell in love. You can't remember what made you fall in love in the first place. Is it her/his eyes; so big yet droopy. Looks like she's/he's sleepy all the time. Is it the shape of her/his nose; the way it curls up on the way down and how it looks like a ladybug when it's all red. Or is it the smile? It has to be something but you can't seem to recall any of it.

Now, you don't know this person but you know that you once loved her/him. You don't have feelings for this person either and you will never heal from the amnesia. It's permanent.
How confuse are you?

Really, talk to me.

This Is What I'm Thinking About; Bleak Future And Mishaps

2009-03-15T00:20:00.005+08:00

And chocolate breakfast cereals.

Air Buah

2009-03-05T11:18:00.005+08:00

5 Mac. 1.50 pagi.

Aku berdiri depan peti sejuk 7 eleven. Lama. Macam dalam 15 minit. Sebab utama; air yang aku plan nak beli awal awal tadi dah habis. Pembetulan, bukan dah habis, tapi peti sejuk yang simpan air tu rosak, so diorang tak jual terus. Bukan nak pindah masuk peti lain ke apa. Taaaakk. Terus tak jual.

Aku cari air susu yang juga jus buah. Ataupun jus buah yang juga air susu. Either one lah, depends on berapa cerewet aku malam tu. Tapi malam ni aku nak air susu yang juga jus buah. Aku nak Vitagen saja pun sebenarnya. Vitagen takada. So aku macam terkesima kena buat keputusan baru. Anomali dalam rutin buatkan aku tak selesa. Atleast dalam rutin makanan dan minuman aku lah. Macam sekarang, aku dah habiskan 20 minit fikir aku nak minum apa.

Pekerja kedai tengah tekun mop lantai. Bau chloroform kuat tapi aku tengok lantai penuh lagi dengan tompok hitam. Aku masih lagi berdiri di tempat yang sama dari tadi. Tak berganjak. Mamat tadi masih lagi mop lantai, sejak dari aku masuk kedai ni yang mungkin dah melangkau 20 minit.

Situasi menarik yang mungkin berlaku sekarang untuk mengurangkan aku rasa awkward;

Satu, dua lelaki dengan topeng (Tak kisah topeng apa. Ski mask selalunya. Tapi kreativiti amat dihargai.) masuk kedai dengan niat nak letupkan diri sendiri sambil jerit "Hidup Sultan Perak!". Dan bom tu tak meletup.

Dua, Seorang perempuan masuk. Lengkap ber-trench coat. Bau kloroform tadi hilang dek kuatnya bau perfume perempuan ni. Ataupun itu bau hormon estrogen untuk menarik perhatian kaum lelaki. Tak tak, buatkan itu untuk tarik perhatian kaum perempuan. Langkah kaki bertumit tingginya diambil perlahan lahan. Tak mahu terkejutkan kami yang ada di dalam kedai. Tiba tiba suasana jadi gelap. Lampu neon mula menyala. Berkelip kelip menyakitkan mata. Muncul sebatang tiang ditengah tengah kedai. Perempuan tadi mula menanggalkan trench coat yang dipakai. Lagu Samantha Fox 'Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)' mula kedengaran dan memulakan sesi pole dancing yang pertama kali dalam hidup aku.

Tiga, dua lelaki masuk, dengan topeng yang lain, tapi orang yang sama sebab kali ni bom dia meletup. Tapi dia lupa jerit apa apa sebelum tu.

25 minit dah lepas. Aku capai jus epal sparkling.

Sedap.

Aku tak cari Vitagen sangat pun. Yang aku cari malam malam takada jual dalam peti sejuk 7 Eleven.

2009-02-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

I left by midnight.

2009-02-25T15:26:00.003+08:00

O' boneless being of the open cave, bring the pleasure which hungry the men crave.

The Westheimer Effect

2009-02-25T14:09:00.002+08:00

Kau tahu wujudnya Erection Hardness Score (EHS)?

“Level one is like tofu where the male organ is large but not hard, level two is similar to a peeled banana where it’s not hard enough for penetration, level three is like an unpeeled banana where it’s hard enough for penetration but not completely, and level four is similar to a cucumber where it’s completely hard and fully rigid,” explained Dr King

Dari thestar.com.my.

Dr King. Dr Rosie King.

Dia lambat sikit dari Dr Ruth.

Ini Bukan Kebenaran #1

2009-02-24T01:28:00.001+08:00

Karem tu Melayu Minimalis.

Amorless Nights

2009-02-23T16:18:00.007+08:00

A silent despair comes in tonight
Along with she, smiling in delight.
She hides the moon,
She hides the stars, all in her pocket
And she smiles, innocent as the night,
My cold cold night.

The Undergraduate

2009-02-23T01:03:00.004+08:00

"Take my hand, take my hand" She said. And so I did.

"Seduce me, seduce me" Or so she whispers in my ear.

That's all I dreamt about last night. That's it or it's the only part I could remember. Holding a girl's hand telling me to seduce her.

Mrs Robinsonesque.

And so I did.

I'm Benjamin Braddock. The Undergraduate.

2009-02-14T09:11:00.004+08:00

Or maybe everybody, when they wake up in the morning.

Or when they sleep the night before.

Backpacking Around Bilik Bule

2009-02-14T01:32:00.003+08:00

I always thought the moon as the loneliest creation ever. The moon and the G minor chord. Or A minor.

Or it could be a grubby kitten by the sidewalk. Or it's mother.

Or maybe it's Kassim Selamat playing his saxophone. Or Bob Dylan just by himself, scratching his head, mumbling.

Or it could be a person sitting at a bus stop. Not waiting for the bus.

Communists. Painters. Jim Morrison.

A bird on a wire. Two birds on a wire. Three birds on a wire. Big fire. Little fire.

Penguins! They never look happy. Unless, you know ... they tap dance.

Spanish guitar players. Spanish guitars.

Seasoned Aston Martin by an old workshop.

Secondhand books.

Or maybe it's a car. Parked by the parking lot. By a window.

Maybe it's my dinner.

Now I'm hungry.

2009-02-12T15:55:00.002+08:00

It's not poetry. If it is, it's a lousy one.

It's a fake. Cheap melancholy in revolting disguise, covered in a modern charade of emptyness.

It's my lunch. Errghh.

In Coldplay We Trust

2009-02-11T14:17:00.003+08:00

Coldplay live in Singapore (lagi).

I came along
I wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow

Tapi kau tak dataaaaaaaaaaannggg!

__________
Hope - my friend, should be in yellow. All yellow.

Maafkan Kegilaan Ini.

2009-02-01T01:00:00.002+08:00

Nothing follows. Supercool.

Aku Sekarang Lelaki Dengan Rambut Lesbian (Bukan Yang Ini)

2009-01-28T20:09:00.006+08:00

Dari page abang Yasin.

Jijik sin, benda yang hang taip untuk gambar ni.

The Twentieth

2009-01-27T00:38:00.002+08:00

Today he speaks
Of the promised land,
In rhymed lines
Sung by his friends.

Tomorrow he sits
Down on you,
Looking from
A jester's point of view,

He sees a disgrace
(Said the man) to his race,
And It's hard to see
Blinded by this reverie.

He goes by sea,
He goes by land,
But it's really God's plan
Done by His right hand.

Then one day
Loom a voice that will say,
Pick a straw
That will never lead astray.

And a man does what man does
When the cowed flock does not.

Today he stands
On the caravan,
Tomorrow he's down
Out with a 'bang!'

Then the papers out
With a headline that reads;
It's Frankenstein with a beard
And a heart that bleeds.

_______
And that newspaper fucking sells.

The Monologue II

2009-01-23T13:38:00.001+08:00

Aku ada kat bilik Bro Bule. Bro Bule ajak aku ponteng Semayang Jumaat.

Syyhhh.

The Waiting

2009-01-22T15:33:00.006+08:00

Patience, patience they say it's a virtue,

Written on a note that reads 'Adieu, adieu'.

Waited and I waited for this rendezvous

With that crooked smile - it's a perfect view.

_______
How annoying is this getting?

2009-01-21T01:11:00.004+08:00

Behold the theme park
With red delight,
Heed the cry sparks
Off a bloody fright,

Bleeding mothers'
Hands on the chests,
Sheath of prayers
Close to the breasts.

"Never a word
If you don't understand" -
Jest the preacher
With the talking hand.

Nay they say
If they ever slay,
"Not today! Not today!";

Cry him in pray,
Whilst this awful play;

Come forth a judge
To smite the fools,
Shatthered their bones
With mighty tools.

Down the soldiers
Sit to rest,
When proud fathers
Stand to contest.

Words of a dame
Burn in flames,
It's a crying shame
And all are to blame,
All are to blame.

2009-01-20T10:58:00.000+08:00

Bukannya aku nak pergi, tapi logo lawa..

It Happened One Night

2009-01-19T18:03:00.007+08:00

She hides under the sheet of patches,
With a cup of hot drink and some crackers,
Why she wouldn't let him in is a mystery,
As he is there to keep her company.

Knock, knock, knock
"Who's there?" She would ask,
"Why it's me who came to lit the dark",
Suddenly the door creeks open,
And there she stands with angry eyes red as molten.

He hands her his sad bouquet of flowers,
Leaning against the door, Jimmy Stewart style,
"O dear god please heed my prayers,
Let her take them in with her droopy smile".

"You're too late" Arms crossed fixed for a fray,
So he said "But here I am with your bouquet!",
"It's past midnight and Cinderella has gone astray"-
So she replied, hinting the Romeo to go away.

The purple flowers she took them still,
Keeping them fresh next to her jar of cookie meal,
Minutes she waited for him to save the day,
But there he froze like a turkey on Thanksgiving day.

The night grew dark with a buckled moon,
It rhymes together with her sorrow tune,
The night will pass along with his doom,
As the morning glory starts to bloom.

By the bed they lie chilled to the bones,
With Siamese dreams in sight,
But it's nothing with respite.
"Care for a lullaby?" He seeks for atone,
"I'd settle with a bedtime story tonight"-
And so she condones.
Thus he oblige with no heed of a fight,
For in the end she is never alone
Or so he I have plight.

___________
It's getting worse I tell you.

Edisi Hey, Mainkan Lagu Itu Di Teras Rumahmu 3

2009-01-18T12:24:00.004+08:00

Bob Dylan - One Too Many Mornings (Live)

It's a restless hungry feeling
That don't mean no one no good,
When ev'rything I'm a-sayin'
You can say it just as good.
You're right from your side,
I'm right from mine.
We're both just one too many mornings
An' a thousand miles behind.

To Be Gay, Or Not To Be.

2009-01-02T01:25:00.006+08:00

Let's pretend that you masturbate. Not ritually. But just adequately to pass by the definition of a pervert. Let's pretend that one day (somehow magically) that you ran out of semen. Not. A. Drip left. And suprisingly you can never achive orgasm anymore. Hence sex is never an exclusive indulgence anymore and forever no more the production of the offsprings. Let's pretend that everybody does the same amount of masturbation and everybody ended up with the same problem. Everybody (Except for Chuck Norris of course). It's a global disaster. In time, people die and no replacement were made. The world population is deteriorating. Sex cease to exists. The age of depression dawned on us and people wage wars for the hold of synthetic semen (to be invented later). Now this can be fixed. Someone will come up to you and offer you an endless stock of mighty swimmers and thus eliminating the disaster of the social recluse. But of course there's a catch. If you were to accept the offer, you will always come in a glow of blinding white light, heavy rain will fall on you (no matter where you are) and instead of the normal looking (frog babies) sperm, you will shoot out pandas, baby seals, penguins, rarely some mini blue whales, other species of endangered animals and of course, unicorns (or maybe the one horn pegasus). You will still get to make babies but only if you shoot it in the right proportioned place. It will be your mandate to populate the earth with the dying, endangered and dead species of animals. By the art of masturbating.

Will you accept the offer and witness millions of Dodos flying out of you everytime?

Visual aid 1.

Dodo in the cutest form.

Happy New Year people. For real. :)

_________________________
I am gay. In a whole other sense of the word. Wheeeeee!

2008-12-31T10:52:00.002+08:00

Hi, I'm Auf Ali... And I'm an addict.

Happy New Year. Hoo-ray.

I Am Lightbody And You Will Believe Me.

2008-12-18T00:49:00.005+08:00

"Maybe novelty, hostility and forbideness doesn't have to end bad."

James Wilson M.D

Taip http://usm.my/

"Keputusan Provisional". Klik.

Isi nombor giliran. Isi nombor kad pengenalan. Enter.

Page lambat load. Tunggu.

Keluar perkataan. Cepat cepat tutup mata.

"jangan tengok jangan tengok jangan tengok jangan tengok jangan tengok"

Intai celah jari.

Celaka. Aku tengok.

The Monologue I

2008-12-17T01:55:00.004+08:00

Orang cakap Unikorn tak wujud.

Orang cakap dalam syurga ada macam macam.

Kalau Unikorn tak wujud, dalam syurga ada Unikorn tak.

Kalau dalam syurga takada Unikorn, aku boleh buat request mintak Unikorn tak. Seputih salju. Gagah perkasa. Sekali dengan sepasang sayap.

Eh, itu Pegasus.

Aku tukar fikiran, aku nak Pegasus dengan tanduk Unikorn.

The Missing Beauty (His Modern Love).

2008-12-15T06:43:00.004+08:00

The Prince is dumbfounded. He's been spending minutes and hours of his days contemplating on why did the girl left in such a hurry last night. Was his dancing really that bad? Or was it his bad breath? They just met, the reason should not be too abstract than that, he would think. Still, nothing seems to make sense.

But nonetheless, he was left with a piece of a glass slipper to ponder on how to look for his midnight venus.

One day, he had an idea to reward the girl or anyone with the information of the girl. The news of the reward spreads all over his father ruling land. The paper boy would shout;

"Extra, extra! Hefty rewards for the Prince's missing beauty! Rewards for missing beauty!"

The posters would spread around but the girl was nowhere to be found.

Days passes by and the Prince's grasp of his lover grows weary, but he never let go. The image of her deepened imprinted in his brain.

It came to the prince one day on a day when the seafarers set ashore, he heard a song sung from a radio which belongs to a fine sailorman. He bought the boombox for a bargain because the sailor tought that the song is annoying but felt that it would worth something to a parrot's ear.

Starting from that day on, the Prince would hold on the boombox before every house in the land to call out for his one and only;

Don't get offended

If I seem absent minded

Just keep telling me facts

And keep making me smile

Don't get offended

If I seem absent minded

I get tongue-tied

Baby, you've got to be more discerning

I've never known what's good for me

Baby, you've got to be more demanding

I will be yours

I'll pay for you anytime

What are you holding out for?

What's always in the way?

Why so damn absent-minded?

Why so scared of romance?

This modern love breaks me

This modern love wastes me

For days and weeks, but she never answers. "Where are you." He would whisper.

Do you wanna come over and kill some time?

Tell me facts, tell me facts, tell me facts

Tell me facts

Throw your arms around me.

"Where the fuck are you."

Lines: Modern Love by Bloc Party.

The Monologue.

2008-12-14T13:32:00.009+08:00

"This conciousness I call ego doesn't know what to do." Said the heart.

"Maybe that's the right thing to do." Answers the medulla oblongata as he puffs away a ring-like smoke from his pipe. "Don't worry, I'll keep you beating no matter what."

"Boy you're lucky to have alot of things to do. All I do is beating and that's not enough to keep my mind off things."

"I got issues man."

Wakes up.

Edit.

Let me rephrase that. As in the good words of Mr Keanu Reeves,

"Whoa, I got issues man."

Wakes up.

"Whoa, I got issues man."

The Morning After (What Ever Happened to Little Red Riding Hood?).

2008-12-13T19:39:00.024+08:00

The morning after, in an abreast village, she wakes up very early in the morning. Just a little after the mighty sun rose for glory. It's not always that she wakes up this early though, but today she wants to pay a visit to her gram who lives in the town across the menacing forest.

It's been a while since she last drop by at her gram's. Her mother wouldn't let her because of her neighbour's daughter, Alice, went missing after she was said to follow a white rabbit a fortnight ago. But today was different. After she went missing, just this morning, the mother heard that the little girl was found sleeping under a big tree known as the Survival Tree by the villagers (known as Big Ben among the forest dwellers though). She said she was tired after a long walk in the forest and fell asleep listening to lovely lullaby that night.

What is more, her gram has been sending her postcards saying that she was ill. In her postcards which have black and white pictures of a band - Barry Brocolli and the Uptown Sally - at the back, she wrote that she fell ill after her favorite singing tomato at the town market was gone. She said that the tomato's singing would always make her day, sets her on a chirpy mood to shop at the busy and uptight market. It's been hard for her since then to shop.

Just when the first morning glory blooms, she was ready - dressed in her red hoodie cloak made by her gram. Her mother hands her a basket filled with a loaf of bread, a bottle of honey, a goose egg, a flask of hot coffee and of course a vial of magic beans as a get-well-soon gift.

And she takes off before the morning sun grows too fiery for her O fair skin. Skipping her way through the forest, she sings a poem her mother told her about the telltale of the first-born of her like.

Go, my child, through the forest

To your grandmother's house, in a glade

Where poppies with red mouths grow.

And child, you must be wise

In the forest.

When the wolf finds you, remember:

Be courteous, but evasive. No answer

Is better than a foolish one.

But do not stop to gather

The hawthorn flowers, nor yet

The red berries which so resemble

Coral beads. They are poisonous.

And do not stop to listen

To the reeds.

And know that I am pleased,

With you, my child.

But remember, when returning through the forest,

Kept warm against the night by a cloak

Of the wolf's pelt:

The hunter is also a wolf.

Goodbye my Belle.

Little Red Riding Hood Age 8.

Poem: Parts of What Her Mother Said by Theodora Goss.

2008-12-13T06:57:00.002+08:00

Iya iya. Aku kantoi main main dengan code template. Lagi.

This Void.

2008-12-11T20:24:00.003+08:00

Let me in. Let me in. Let me in.

For the Love of a Tomato (Hush Now).

2008-12-10T22:21:00.011+08:00

It was exactly two hundred thirty six days, six hours, twenty eight minutes and five seconds since the tomato last sung at the market. The leaves were once green turned yellow, purple, red and finally green again but the teensy fellow is nowhere to be seen. He seems to be missing from his usual post along with his olden crate he called home. Though nobody knew how he did it since tomatoes are born legless!

The locals never noticed the departure of the hermit. You might find it's hard to believe to not to notice a singing tomato but living in a town where the locals use glowing fairies to light dark pathways, elves as your house servants, magic beans as everyday bargain and fairy godmothers as your suicide hotline, a mellowing singing tomato is nothing. There's even a local group singing veggies hailing from the south called Barry Broccoli and the Uptown Five Sally - a sextet complete with music intruments and harmonised singing. Sometimes they would perform acapella if it's a latenight show.

But unbeknownst to the locals, deep in the forest, shed under a big tree known as the Survival Tree - because he's been there since before the first man ever to set foot on that land. But amongst the forest dwellers, he's known as The Big Ben (Like the The Clock Tower!) - there lies the downhearted tomato inside his crumbling wooden box. Here he seeks refuge.

At nighttime, he would lament of his misfortune on to the big ol' tree with a poem he once heard;

Before the weeping

Wound could heal,

I stepped into

It's ruptured seal.

I tore it open-

Cleared the rot,

That thrived within

This darken slot,

Then filled it

With a silver key,

T'was given by

A saint to me,

To let flow free

The red-hot fuel,

That crystalized

Into a jewel,

Which I then placed

Upon my crown,

So when misfortune

Brings me down,

I'd be reminded

Of the find,

And put to rest,

My troubled mind,

To know that I

Could find a way,

To keep unease

And harm at bay;

I'll shed the woe

Beneath my skin,

To find a blessing

deep within.

And each soul of the living creatures of the forest would grieve along with every line uttered by the tomato. Some even cried. Hence the morning dews on every morning leaves.

Hush now. Hush.

Poem: The Reward by Shahril Nizam.

Stop the Train. Don't Leave Me Behind.

2008-12-07T23:02:00.006+08:00

Her smiles are so bright, you'd think it's the sun. She laughs so hard, you'd think it's the devil.

But actually it's Natalie Portman.

Natalie Portman and I would like to wish you a Happy Aidil Adha. :)

For the Love of a Tomato (Goodnight, goodnight).

2008-12-07T13:40:00.010+08:00

Once in a busy town market, lived a tomato in a wooden crate. Every morning he would sing;

Bonjour, bonjour!
I'm the tomato,
Melts in your soup,
Today, tomorrow - for ever more!

When the days were young and the leaves were green, he would sing the lines in different tounges. English, French, Spanish and of course his mother tounge - Solanacish. Many would stop by his olden box to listen, but none would spend a dime for a lofty singing tomato; too expensive for a vichyssoise and too dull to sit alone on a buffet stand. But then the tomato would sing;

Bonjour, bonjour!
I'm the chirpy tomato,
Nevermore too dark for your plateau,
For my verses would make you glow,
From your head to your toes!

And he would sing till the afterlight;

Bonsoir, bonsoir!
I'm the everlasting tomato,
See, when it's darker still,
I'll be here singing at your will.

But no one was ever tempted. When it's sleeping time courted by the half litted moon, he would sing himself a lullaby;

Bonne nuit, Bonne nuit,
I'm the singing tomato,
At twilight when angels are passing by,
I'd sing myself this lullaby

Au revior, au revior,
I'm the lonely tomato,
Alas, I bid you goodnight,
So please dear sweet dreams,
Take me to flight.

And so he lulled himself to sleep,

While we cry in a void of grief - a canyon deep.

Goodnight, goodnight.

Policelady

2008-12-03T18:20:00.004+08:00

She lied to me,
She wants my money,
She wants the money -
Not the honey,
She wants my money,
She wants my money.

She lied to me and I don't have the money.

Sajak Tadika Lorong Tiga Pagi.

2008-12-02T02:47:00.007+08:00

Oh dear God,
My breakfast of omelette is sugar free,
as it comes from an apple tree,
It dove down plucked by gravity,
Just like my heart, when you smile on tv.

Jangan pernah tutup tv.

2008-12-01T11:06:00.002+08:00

Bulu mata itu.

"'Cause you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in and you're out, you're up and you're down.."

Eh.

Uh huh uh huh.

"Hot then you're cold uh huh.."

2008-12-01T01:03:00.002+08:00

Two words,

Kevin Smith.

Word.

Next up: Zach and Miri Make a Porno.

Edisi Top Five: Top Five Lagu 90an Yang Kau Pasti Tak Dapat Tahan Diri Dari Menari/Sing-a-Long.

2008-11-30T00:58:00.015+08:00

Aku tulis ini asalnya untuk www.sampahsociety.com. Tapi aku terlupa password dan username untuk account blog tu. Aku dah try semua wei. Siapa ubah tak bagitau. Atau aku mungkin silap taip. Aku berpotensi untuk silap.

Okay okay. Apahal ni kan, semua orang mungkin tanya. Siapa mamat baru yang gatal nak menulis ni. Selalu kat sini yang menulis yang masyarakat umum selalu hentam dan sayang tu #5 saja kan. Yaaaa budak budak. Lupakan lah #5 tu. Dia bukan kool sangat pun. Bukan aku nak kata aku kool la kan tapi dia dah tak rare. Semua orang dah kenal. Head sampah pun lagilah. Dia mungkin tak terkenal di dunia Matrix ni, tapi di dunia nyata dia bagaikan Madonna dalam spandex ungu dan pointy bra yang dia pakai dalam muzik video tu. Uuuuuh. Semua orang nak sentuh.

Tinggalkan diorang. Mari join aku.

Hari ini aku nak ajak main top five list ala ala High Fidelity. Serius, aku tak akan habis cakap pasal movie ni. Pergi tengok lah. Golongan elit muzik adalah golongan yang sedih tapi menarik untuk ditonton. Sedih disini bukan bermaksud sedih yang suicidal, tapi... yang baik lah. Kau tahu, macam sedih yang buat kau berfikir. Apa saja yang buatkan kau berfikir itu bagus.

Ini bukan main main. Aku tengah serius habis ni. Okay. Top five lagu pop 90an yang mesti kau tak boleh tahan diri dari menari/sing-a-long punya. In no proper order. Nombor hanyalah ilusi formaliti.

#5 Boombastic - Shaggy.

Oh. Tak mungkin kau tak tahu lagu ni. Siap masuk iklan jeans Levi's lagi kalau tak silap aku. Iklan yang ada burung stop motion clay animation macam Wallace and Gromit tu duduk bertenggek atas wayar yang end up dengan semua bulu diorang habis hilang terbakar bila hero iklan tu guna jeans Levi's untuk larikan diri dari bilik dengan hang glide atas wayar tu.

Dan iklan ni bermula dengan line lagu ini yang popular, "Mr Boombastic, say me fantastic.." aku darjah dua masa iklan ni disiarkan. Dan seperti tajuk entri ni, aku dan adik aku tak dapat halang diri dari menari dan sing-a-long sepanjang iklan.

Boleh bayangkan tak kegembiraan aku dulu waktu Shaggy datang Malaysia untuk perform kt RTM? Atau itu pelanduk dua serupa? Aku mungkin silap.

#4 MMMBop - Hanson.

Ya adik adik alaf baru, budak kecil berambut perang panjang yang menjerit jerit dalam klip video ni lelaki. Mimpi basah mengubah segala galanya. Siapa boleh tahan dari menyanyi korus lagu ni? Bukannya susah (Lainlah kalau kau Karem kan. Hang tak pernah menyanyi dengan lirik yang betul wei). Mmmbop tak ada dalam kamus dewan pun. Bukannya tatabahasa rumit yang kau kena berlakon tahu padahal-kau-check-dalam-thesaurus pun.

Seannoying mana pun lagu ni kau tak boleh biarkan dia berlalu pergi tak ada makna. You can love it, you can hate it. But you can't ignore it.

#3 Wannabe - Spice Girls.

Pada awalnya, aku tak nak masukkan Spice Girls dalam top five ni. Tapi bila fikir balik, " Babi laaaa. Dunia mana tahun 90an Spice Girls tak menjerit jerit dalam tights berglitter kan?" Spice Girls adalah bukti tahun 90an pernah wujud. Tadi aku ada tulis "You can love it, you can hate it. But you can't ignore it" kan? Aku tak suka yang ini. Tapi diorang ni Spice Girl lah. Dem.

#2 Black or White - Michael Jackson.

Klip video bermula dengan Macaulay Culkin (Ya, yang dari Home Alone tu) kena marah dengan abahnya sebab buat bising dalam bilik dengar lagu dengan full volume, lepas dia kena tengking dengan abahnya dia keluarkan dua giant speaker dan mainkan satu kord yang highly distorted. Bunyi yang dihasilkan oleh speaker budak tu telah menyebabkan abahnya terbang keseberang dunia-Afrika. Kesemua scene ini dah ambik masa 2 minit pada awal video tersebut.

Aku tak tahu kenapa aku terangkan ini kat sini, cuma ini nampak macam benda trivia yang kena ceritakan kat orang. Kau tahu, macam fakta trivia pasal mentadak betina akan putuskan kepala mentadak jantan bila selesai proses mengawan. Macam tu lah.

Aku tak pernah hafal semua lirik lagu ni, cuma bila sampai satu part, kita semua-aku macam yakin gila-akan jerit "Don't matter if you're black or white" dan "It's black, it's white" berulang ulang kali dekat ending lagu ni, yang part dimana banyak muka berubah ubah tu.

"Ouh, it's black, it's white, it's black, it's white, it's black, it's white....." Tak akan berhenti punya.

Oh dan full length video ni 11 minit lamanya. Satu lagi trivia untuk kau.

#1 C'est la vie - B*witched.

Tengoklah video klip dia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLt_g3W57gs&feature=related

*Untuk sebab sebab tertentu, application untuk embed semua versi untuk video ni tak dibenarkan oleh Youtube. Aku tau. Apahal kan? B*witched saja pun.

Tak cukup 90's, "poppy", dancable dan berbunyi karaoke lagi untuk kepala muzik elit kau? Kalau kau perempuan, baik kau pasang lagu ni kuat kuat waktu malam sebelum tidur dan lompat lompat beramai ramai atas katil dalam underwear dan oversized t-shirt. Jangan lupa pillow fight sekali ya.

Semestinya, ini bukan lah satu satunya top five pasal kategori ni dalam dunia ni. Aku mungkin stating the obvious dalam list aku ni, tapi cheesy dan obvious ialah hala tuju aku sebab ia senang dan sekarang pukul 2 pagi. Tapi mengakulah, list aku cukup influentional kan? Aku cuma hidup sepenuhnya sebahagian saja dalam tahun 90an. So, kau beritahu aku top five kau. Kalau kau berani lah.

p/s: Oh aku memang tengah serius. Ini penting gilaa. Kau tak nampak ke effort yang aku buat untuk tulisan ni. Macam mana Karem? Shaggy dengan Spice Girl cukup bagus untuk kau tak.

Malam Semalam Di Ibukota Melayu Minimalis.

2008-11-23T07:34:00.005+08:00

Aku keseorangan dan tak berkamera. At least part awal malam lah.

Kuala Lumpur boleh jadi sungguh average dengan lampu lampu neonnya. Atau this is the wrong side of Kuala Lumpur. Kau beritahu aku.

Dan uh, aku tak jumpa Melayu Minimalis.

Dan uh juga, aku broke. Dua bandar dan empat rumah. Siapa nak bagi aku singgah lagi tidur atas couch?

p/s: Syhhhh. Don't tell mummy.

Goodnight, goodnight.

2008-11-17T00:24:00.004+08:00

I've always loved nights with a full moon. They remind me of werewolves. Not very romantic eh. But it make sense, no?

Remember that movie? An American Werewolf in Paris? Yep. Not a very good movie. Got nudes though. Nude French ladies. You can't get any better than that. Wait, there's French porn though.

Hmmm.... The choices you have to make. Compelling isn't it?

If you think I'm going somewhere with this. Well stop it. Just having my my-fruitless-ranting of a moment here. It's the moon people. It's the fucking moon.

We'll always have the moon.

Goodnight Mr Moon. Goodnight.

2008-11-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

He talks about sleeping. Sleeping is giving in. Doesn't matter what the time is. Open your eyes.

He talks about dreams. In which dreams are the only thing that can save us. Live the dream. Come on baby in our dreams. We can live our misbehaviour. But everytime you close your eyes, "Lies! Lies!" she sings.

People hide the night under the covers. People hide the light under the covers. Hide our lovers under the covers. Hide from our brothers underneath the covers. Yes, we hide the lovers underneath the covers.

He gives the moon sad say, "It's alright! It's alright!" He gives the sun and say, "It's alright! It's alright!"

But everytime you close your eyes, "Lies! Lies!" she sings.

It's not me talking. It's Win Butler.

Aku Berniat Nak Tulis Pasal John Lennon Berperang Dengan USA, Tapi...

2008-11-14T03:08:00.007+08:00

Bule bukan nama sebenar. Nama sebenar bule ialah Lelaki Sentimental. Tapi atas dasar kawan-lelaki beremosi haid confidentiality, mari kita panggil dia bule, okay? Bule mudah dikenali dikalangan kita. Antara karekter dan ciri ciri penting bule adalah semestinya saiz badannya. Saiz badannya sentiasa sama sejak dari kecil. Sebab itu ia adalah ciri terpenting bagi mengenali makhluk ini. Bagi anda yang telah mengenalpasti bule ini, cuba bayangkan bagaimana kejadian indah kelahiran bule. Aaaah. Indah kan? Tak berjaya bayangkan? Cuba lagi. Nanti dia datanglah tu. Ah, kenapa saiznya sama sejak azali lagi masih tidak diketahui dan malangnya saintis saintis dunia tak kecoh pun untuk mengkaji fenomena tersebut.

Antara ciri bule yang lain adalah mulut manis beliau. Mulut manis disini bukan bermaksud saya pernah menjilat mulut bule, oh tak. Mulut manis bule mendapat namanya kerana seringkali melemparkan kata kata manis terutamanya kepada anak gadis. Atas sebab ini, masyarakat sekeliling amat selesa bersama bule. Tetapi malangnya, bule tak pernah selesa dengan anak anak gadis disekelilingnya, terutama yang call bule lima jam sehari dengan number anak syarikat Diginya. Mulut manis bule telah banyak mendatangkan masalah kepada bule. Bule kini lebih gemar dikenali sebagai loner.

Bule juga boleh dikenalpasti dengan cirinya yang terkenal iaitu punggungnya yang terbelah. Hal ini kerana seluar seluar yang dikenakan bule sememangnya longgar dan seringkali terlondeh. Tafsiran saikologi saya kenapa bule memakai seluar yang sedemikian rupa adalah untuk menaikkan keyakinan diri beliau dengan mengatakan beliau mengalami penurunan berat badan. Tetapi kita semua tau perkara sebenar, kan?

Pada usia awal 20an, bule telah di diagnosis dengan penyakit Obsessive Cancelling Disorder (OCaD. Bukan Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)). Penyakit ini boleh membunuh, sekiranya bule mengkanselkan niatnya untuk terus hidup lah. Penyakit ini amat jarang ditemui dan hanya sedikit saja rujukan yang boleh dicari. Penyelidikan lanjut sedang dijalankan untuk mencari penawar. Antara fakta yang diketahui tentang penyakit ini adalah, ia terdiri daripada dua peringkat. Peringkat satu ia dikenali dengan nama OCaD. Peringkat kedua dikenali sebagai, Obsessive Last Minute Cancelling Disorder (OLMCD). Sejak dibawah pemerhatian saya sepanjang tahun ini, bule telah menjangkau peringkat kedua. Beliau seringkali dilaporkan menkanselkan rancangan rancangan aktiviti hujung minggu dan cuti panjang. Insiden yang terbaru adalah rancangan eksperimen backpacking yang saya kemukakan kepada beliau untuk dilakukan semasa cuti semester ini. Amat mengecewakan. Saya sangkakan akan kelihatan improvement, tetapi sebaliknya berlaku.

Tetapi disebalik semua kecelakaan ini, bule menghadapi hari hari getir dengan senyuman walaupun bersentimental. Bule boleh ditenangkan dengan dua pinggan nasi lemak kegemarannya atau pun apa apa jenis makanan dalam dua set order.

Penyelidikan lanjut sedang dijalankan untuk mencari penawar penyakit bule ini. Tetapi malangnya akibat kekurangan dana, penyelidikan tersebut terbantut. Oleh itu, saya menyeru kepada semua pembaca yang prihatin untuk menderma menyelamatkan bule. Bayaran derma labih dihargai jikalau dibuat didalam Gopeng Dollar (GD). Ini kerana memandangkan keadaan ekomoni dunia sekarang yang gawat, penukaran kedalam matawang Gopeng Dollar adalah tinggi. Jangan tanya saya bagaimana ini boleh berlaku. Ini hakikat. Gopeng Dollar mempunyai nilai penukaran matawang yang tertinggi didunia sekarang.

Bantulah bule.

Akaun Bank Antarabangsa Gopeng: 22334-42244-234.

Nombor talian hotline: 0126079705

Berapa banyak Gopeng Dollar yang sanggup anda berikan kepada bule?

Oh, Tampar Dahi Kau. Aku Menulis Lagi.

2008-11-12T21:25:00.009+08:00

Pelik macam mana mekanisma manusia bermoral untuk berfikir sekarang. Aku yang rasa lah.

Tadi aku dikerah untuk membeli dinner untuk adik beradik Ali malam ni. Abang sulung ada lebihan kupon untuk satu large pizza, oleh itu dinner untuk harini ialah Pizza Hut. Lepas habis aku order, cashier tu tanya, "Encik Man.." (notice disini dia panggil aku Man sebab masa dia tanya nama aku sebelum ambil order tadi, aku cakap "Auf" dia macam kerut muka. Aku senyum dan eja M.A.N. Takakan berjaya punya nama aku dalam dunia sinikal ni. Sigh.)

Sambung semula.

"Encik Man, nak derma untuk hunger relief ni tak? Dua ringgit saja" Ofcourse dengan senyuman, tapi tak berjaya mencairkan aku. Dia takada gigi arnab. Aku yang tengah selak duit nak bayar order aku tadi macam terhenti kejap. Dan dia sambung, "Dapat wristband free" sambil angkat kening untuk meyakinkan aku bayar dua ringgit tu. Sini aku tak puas hati. Macam lah aku taknak derma kan kalau tak dapat gelang tu. Aku tak nampak pun poster yang dia pampangkan besar-besaran bersama tabung donation kat atas meja counter tu. Bukan salah aku kalau aku tak observe semua benda yang dia advertisekan kat atas tu. Aku baru lepas syampu, rambut aku cucuk-cucuk hidung aku dan hidung aku gatal. Aku lebih concern akan hidung aku yang gatal dari benda lain. Minta maaf lah.

Tapi aku yang dikenali oleh masyarakat sebagai lelaki yang agak baik hati terhadap orang yang buat salah tanpa disedari ni hanya senyum dan cakap, "Dua ringgit? Okay". Aku dapat gelang hijau (boleh jadi kaler lain) yang tertulis "World Hunger Relief Week". Sini satu lagi masalah. Hunger relief? I mean, Ironik ke apa ni. Bagi aku satu term untuk perasaan yang aku rasa ni,

"Hey tengok ni, aku bagi dua ringgit untuk hunger relief campaign dan dapat gelang free. Oh gembiranya hati ini. Dan by the way, boleh bungkuskan saya dua large pizza? Satu Hawaiian Chicken dan satu lagi Chicken Supreme. Dan satu garlic bread. Pizza tadi, topping lebih sikit eh. Terima Kasih."

Aku boleh sama kan situasi ni dengan contoh macam bila kau berterus terang nak mintak permission kat bapak girlfriend kau untuk bawak anak perempuan dia keluar,

"Ya pakcik. Saya nak minta kebenaran untuk bawa anak pakcik keluar malam ni. Kami akan pergi ke candlelight dinner dan latenight movie. Jangan risau, movie tu ratingnya umum. Bukan production Adam Sandler atau Ben Stiller. Takada lawak kasar dan lucah pakcik. Tapi lepas show tu kami mungkin akan buat perkara tak senonoh bersama-sama yang tak mungkin pakcik akan benarkan saya buat kepada anak pakcik, tapi jangan bimbang, saya ada duit poket lebih malam ni, jadi saya boleh bawa dia ke motel murah. Pakcik jangan bimbang ya. Dia baik saja dalam jagaan saya." Dengan senyum lebaaaaaaaaaaaaaar.

Akward silence.

Ya aku tahu. Contoh aku memang takada kaitan atau sememangnya bizarre dengan perkara yang aku nak cakapkan. My words contradict me. Tapi itulah.

Aku takada masalah dengan reward wristband free bila derma. Wristband "Livestrong" Lance Armstrong dan "Wriststrong" Stephen Colbert cool nak mati aku rasa. Tapi promote hunger relief campaign dengan aku beli dua large pizza untuk hidangan empat orang,

Kau nak mock aku ke apa hah?

-------------------------------------------

Update 1030 pm.

Sekarang aku kenyang nak mati dengan empat slice pizza gemuk dengan cheese, ayam, dan pepperoni.

Kau rasa, apa dua ringgit aku tadi buat hah? Apa yang dua ringgit kau boleh buat?

Edisi Hey, Mainkan Lagu Itu Di Teras Rumahmu! 2

2008-11-12T13:02:00.005+08:00

Noah and The Whale - 5 Years Time (Live).

Kena ada sebab ke aku nak suruh dengar lagu folky-happy macam ni. Dan blondie tu buat comel dengan hand signals lagi.

Ya ya, boleh ambil untuk buat track nombor satu untuk mixtape kau.

2008-11-05T18:46:00.001+08:00

Bila Lelaki Sentimental bawak laptop dan earphone ke library, dia taknak balik dah.

Celaka kau Lelaki Sentimental. Aku sepatutnya ikut Lelaki Misteri balik tadi.

Aku Belakang Kau Karem. Atleast Sekarang Lah.

2008-11-05T16:48:00.004+08:00

Bila dia cakap term "photographer indie", aku assumekan mamat tu sedang cuba untuk jadi sarcastic. Tapi nampaknya orang lain tak. Adakah ini sebab orang lain memang uptight?

Apa yang kami perlukan ialah pembaca dengan sedikit sense of humour. Sikit saja. Macam dua cubit garam nak buat scramble egg. Dan juga pembaca yang sanggup tahan group budak budak yang nak kenal dunia.

Bukak tangan kau, peluk kami. Macam orangorang ini buat.

Sebagai orang dengan sense of humour, marilah gelak ramai ramai.

2008-11-05T15:08:00.004+08:00

Dear diary,

Harap kau sihat hendaknya. Aku disini sihat sahaja. Minta maaflah aku bahasakan diri aku sebagai 'aku'. Lebih selesa begini. Bagaimanakah hujung minggu kau minggu lepas? Hujung minggu aku hebat hebat sahaja. Aku berjalan jalan di wonderland. Harap kau pun begitu juga.

Bagaimanakah dengan keadaan papa dan mama diary? Minggu lepas kau ada beritakan mereka sering bergaduh gaduh kecil. Janganlah kau risau. Itulah tanda tanda percintaan selepas umur 50tahun. Mereka bahagia nak mati sebenarnya.

Oh ya diary, berakhirnya hujung minggu lepas menandakan sudah bermulanya minggu peperiksaan di kolej aku. Di sini aku hendak beritakan bahawa aku sememangnya tidak bersedia seperti anak-mama-yang-akan-membanggakan-mamanya-dengan-menunjukkan-slip-keputusan-berpointer-3.00-dan-keatas. Selain dari faktor mama aku, aku sememangnya sudah berapa tidak kisah lagi dengan potensi akademik aku juga. Aku lebih gemar membaca berita update pilihanraya US.

Sejak kebelakangan ini diary, aku banyak memikirkan perkara perkara yang begitu subjektif sekali. Contohnya tentang tujuan hidup dan penyair English, kopi hitam di malam September, perbualan kanak kanak naif dengan bunga tentang Belle dan kawan kawan dan Alice yang sempurna dengan teh nya. aku tak tahu kenapa aku berfikir sedemikian. Pemikiran ini aku anggap bagaikan revelation yang datang kepada aku dalam keadaan aku bermata putih semasa ia diserap masuk kedalam otak separa matang aku. Dan aku harus dedahkan ia kepada seseorang.

Aku tak tahu kenapa ini nampak seperti aku sedang menjustifikasikan pemikiran aku. Tapi ia mungkin disebabkan aku agak malas menelaah buku didepan mata aku kini dan laptop Lelaki Sentimental ini bebas dari penggunaan orang lain. Ini kerana Lelaki Misteri sedang sibuk mengkaji nota nota peperiksaan. Aku sebenarnya agak stress dengan jadual peperiksaan aku yang tidak membantu langsung untuk membantunya mendapat duit poket yang lebih pada masa akan datang.

Baiklah, sampai disini sahaja ya diary. Harap kau telah bersedia untuk menghadapi peperiksaan kau. Sampai masa kita jumpa lagi. Sehingga nanti,

Senyum lah.

2008-11-04T21:36:00.001+08:00

Tak ramai anak melayu boleh cakap ini. Tapi aku lapar chicken pie mak aku.

Babi. Aku lapar.

2008-11-02T04:44:00.003+08:00

Audio: Brass In Pocket by The Pretenders.

Pernah ingat tengok satu scene movie yang mana ending scenenya Bob Harris bisikkan sesuatu dalam telinga Charlotte.

Apa dia cakap hah?

Bunuh Aku Demi Cerita Pendek Ini.

2008-10-24T22:04:00.011+08:00

If you're having a gloomy, sleepy afternoon and you catch a glimpse of a white rabbit hopping away from you. Yes, THE white rabbit. With the pocket watch. Don't follow him. He'll take you to places you don't wanna go. He'll take you to the Queen and she would want to cut your head off.

Instead, go to Alice's. Throw tiny pebbles to her window. Join her tea party with Mr Teddy and Mr Patrick. She likes tea, and she knows how she likes it. And she will make the best tea you've ever had.

Then she'd bake cookies with her fluffy mittens. She would get chocolate smudges on her apron and on her nose. She will look like the cutest thing and they will be the best chocolate cookies you've ever had.

You'd go for a walk with her. By the trees. You will hold her hand because you don't want her far away now don't you. And she will hold yours. It will be the best walk you've ever took.

When it's nighttime, she will tuck you to sleep, hold you close and whisper in your ear "Let's do this again sometime" and you will say "Okay" She would kiss you goodnight and it will be the sweetest kiss.

You will sleep thru the night. Missing her in every minute of it. And of course, it will be the best sleep you've ever had.

She's your wonderland.

2008-10-24T21:18:00.001+08:00

FUCK.

imagine this in the biggest font possible.

2008-10-22T16:07:00.001+08:00

Feeling...

disconnected.

Technology becomes me.

It's Fiction. And It's Beautiful.

2008-10-20T19:53:00.006+08:00

"So. What's the story morning glory?" Asked the boy ducking down petting morning dews off the brilliant purple flower.

"Tales. I have tales to be told. Tales of nightmare that would quake the very ground you're standing on son. And Fairy tales. Love stories that would melt the highest, mightiest mountains of the north"

"That so huh?" Spurts the boy, curiously. "Pity though. I don't believe in fairy tales"

"Why is that?" asks the flower.

"Well for starters, they're not real. And the idea of happily ever after is just dubious. And what's the deal with the 'true love kiss'? I like to believe it's a story told to control people. Brainwashes each and everyone of us so that they can keep on staying on the top of the power chain. Feeds on us like predators of the wild. I'm a realist"

"More like a sceptic. Or a drama queen. So what's wrong with them not being real? They are told for a reason. They exist because we want them to exist. We long for a big break from the real world. To erase the misery and compunction. To escape. They exist because people believe in them. Like them fairies"

"Huh?" Squinting his face.

"Like 'clap your hands if you believe in fairies'?" Explaining the expression by clapping his tiny greeny leaves. In a cute kinda way.

He shakes his head giggling.

"It's from Peter Pan you illeterate. See how ignorantly oblivious you are of a fine adventure of a lifetime? You can't go past puberty without ever heard of Peter Pan. It's ludicrous!"

The boy melts his face down, implying the fact doesn't matter. The flower sighs and pouts,

"I hate to break it to you son, but they are real. There was a poison apple, and she was in a coma"

"Who? Snow White?"

"PRINCESS Snow White. And Sleeping Beauty too"

"Aaah. The Mrs Prince Charmings.."

"Yep"

"Yeah right. And Jack the Beanstalk guy was just a terrific gardener"

"Well, he was. As good as the Boy Who Cried Wolf lying. His work of fiction is juvenile, yes. But also genius"

The boy squints again in disbelief.

"Well the villagers believed in him didn't they? Seven times"

"Yeah but then a wolf came for real and he's gone"

"Every great mind dies of that magnitude of death. It's like god is trying to shift back the equilibrium gauge to it's normal point. Or else, it's the end of the world. Judgement day. Armageddon. Call it what you believe"

"Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe Noah was a very old man with a houseboat filled like a zoo"

"Son. He's in the Koran aand the Bible. He IS real. Everybody knows that"

"Not everybody believes them. There are pagans and atheists you know. Not to mention Scientology. I mean, Tom Cruise should have a say in this. Right? And for you to talk. You're a flower. Blooms only in the mornings. You rise when only the brilliant sun shines on you. Otherwise you're as good as dead. Clinging to walls for mercy and lying down haplessly for attention. For kindness. For a pure heart to stop by to shade you with love to power you up. You're a useless life form. Parasites, sucking on other people's energy. You are not real"

There's silence. Then there's the boy, akwardly ducking down staring deep into the flower. Looking for a reply. An answer. A revelation to break his belief with divine words. He pokes it. Nothing. Then it hit him.

It's a fucking flower.

He walks away a winner. Whistling. Still not believing in fairy tales.

A French beauty don't fall in love with a beast. There's no prince charming riding towards his comatose princess on his stunning white stallion nor a nice shiny chopper. There's no magic beans for trade out there. No land of wizards to prize you with a mighty heart, a glowing brain. No fairies to hush you to sleep in the land of forever. Nor a kiss to freeze in time of happiness. There's only you and me and a love letter which will dissipates in time of a forgotten tale. There's a love story with broken hearts.

It's fiction and It's the saddest story ever told.

"Those days are gone. You and I were young those summer nights. You'll see the world diving for a girl you'll never find. And then we'll quietly grow old: the saddest story ever told"
The Magnetic Fields

Aku tak tahu. aku tak tahu kenapa aku tulis ini.

Norah, I Found Jesus. LOL

2008-10-13T09:06:00.002+08:00

O Brothers at home, download these movies. I know you're reading this.

2008-10-11T13:39:00.003+08:00

Dunia sempurna.

Dalam dunia sempurna, langit sentiasa biru. Dalam dunia sempurna, hujan itu air mata bidadari. Dalam dunia sempurna, katak boleh berlari. Dalam dunia sempurna, Mahathir masih lagi Perdana Menteri, Dalam dunia sempurna, Anwar dah lama jadi Perdana Menteri. Dalam dunia sempurna, bayi takakan membesar. Dalam dunia sempurna, perempuan tak pakai bra. Dalam dunia sempurna ada Unikorn dengan satu tanduk emas. Dalam dunia sempurna, George W Bush dah mati empat tahun lepas. Dalam dunia sempurna, ada intraspecies mating dalam animal kingdom. Dalam dunia sempurna, Romeo dan Juliet patut jumpa masing masing 10 tahun kehadapan. Dalam dunia sempurna, Anastasia dan Sharlinie takakan hilang. Dalam dunia sempurna, Mark David Chapman takakan jumpa John Lennon. Dalam dunia sempurna, tak wujud perasaan takut akan ketinggian dan aku boleh naik Ferris Wheel. Dalam dunia sempurna, kepercayaan itu mudah. Dalam dunia sempurna, silence itu indah. Dalam dunia sempurna, tak wujud sequel sequel untuk Friday the 13th. Dalam dunia sempurna, setiap hari adalah hari Ahad. Dalam dunia sempurna, mesti lah Santa Claus wujud. Dalam dunia sempurna, a love song is good enough. Dalam dunia sempurna, E.T akan datang balik ke bumi dan menangis bila berjumpa dengan Drew Barrymore. Dalam dunia sempurna, kematian tak menyakitkan. Dalam dunia sempurna, kehidupan akan disertakan dengan manual. Dalam dunia sempurna, ibu ibu akan hidup muda selamanya. Dalam dunia sempurna, aku cinta kau dan dia--selamanya.

"Dunia tak sempurna" bisik lelaki itu.

What's in your perfect world?

2008-10-09T03:35:00.009+08:00

O black coffee, mr black coffee,
You took my girl away last night,
Down by the plastic beach of shimmering moonlight,
Keeping me up with a fright on that September night,

At midnight with a vengence you strike,
Like when the cat chasing the mouse with a dynamite,
"You're a killer, you're a killer" I say,
Menacing like rain in the month of May,

The lips I'm missing tonight,
Is the one that's sealed so tight,
I can try all of that I might,
But I guess I'm just not worth pouring her heart,

O black coffee, mr black coffee,
You tasted bitter like broken hearts,
I'll have them sugar and cream alright,
For I'll be singing by her window--tonight

As crappy as it may sound, it's true.
I hate black coffee. And the plastic beach. But I'll take them on. Anytime.

2008-10-05T19:57:00.001+08:00

"Oh my god. An elephant just stole my computer"

Jimmy Kimmel.

LOL.

Of Rainy Sundays, Chirping Birds And The English Poet.

2008-10-05T05:52:00.018+08:00

Life.

The word itself rings the bell of conundrum in the heart of all of us.

What does it mean? How do we steer it to sheer perfection? How do we live up the expectations? Can we ever cheat on it? Why is it so hard? Is there any shortcut? Is there a well published manual out there about this so-called phenomenon that we are breathing in right now?

But then again, how do we know it's the one? I mean, has it started yet? When is the moment does life actually starts? Was it when you first burst out of that little womb? Was it when you were left to deal the world alone in the kindergarten? Was is when you hold the hand of your first crush down by the school corridor? Was it when your got in your first fist fight with your stuck-up bullies? Was it when you get to look in the eye of the one and say i love you beneath the sparkling stars? Was it when you first kiss the girl next door? Was is when you realise you don't want to die alone? Was it when you're tired of spending your Saturday night at the local joint cheering on your pathetic yet your most dear football team? Was it when you first realise your not straight? Was it when you first find the reason for you to grow up? Was it when you get your first paycheck? Was it when you graduate with that piece roll of paper? Does it hit you on a lazy Sunday morning listening to those 90's pop songs? Or is it when holding the hands of your paramour when your all grey and gloomy like it's 1942?

And with all due respect, putting relegion aside, what is the point in life anyway? Graduate with a college degree, commit to those stable yet boring job you said you don't wanna do when you're growing up. Get married with children? two boys and two girls? Just so they have a partner to play with. Live the dream. Open your own coffee house with those little bells ringing when the door is opened. Or spend your aching sick ass's bone down by the pavement wishing you could've live your life differently years ago.

Does it really starts at forty?

As you can see, I can only leave you with questions, because I don't have the answers. Hoping someday that there will be a sign in the form of my dream girl slapping me in the face with the cold harsh semantic of reality.

And sometimes mind just wonders, as mine is right now.

What's in that thick head of yours. Talk to me.

"if you'd only show me, show me how to live"

Aqualung.

Wake up people, and shine with my morning sun. And smile.

Future Is Bleak, And I'm Lovin' It.

2008-10-04T00:21:00.009+08:00

Because I'm not in the future and I'm not loving it that much.

*it = the so-called years to come. Contohnya macam 13 tahun lagi.

Curiosity Killed Kenny.

2008-10-01T19:43:00.005+08:00

Eksperimentasi 1.

Bahan ujikaji: Kanak kanak lingkungan umur 2-7 tahun.

Ujikaji: Ajar budak budak ni phrase,

"Yo yo yo. Wassup ma nigga"

Direkemen untuk dicuba kepada golongan tua pada hari raya ini. Lihat hasilnya dan selamat mencuba!

Edisi Hey, Mainkan Lagu Itu Di Teras Rumahmu! 1.

2008-09-30T22:04:00.005+08:00

2 hari dan the flu is not going anywhere. Raya la sangat.

The Pixies : Where Is My Mind

Aku tahu sepatutnya lagu raya, tapi tadi aku baru lepas tengok Fight Club.

Kalau Aku Ialah Seorang Romantic Bastard, Aku Akan Kata Ini Disebabkan Kau Ada Jauh Dari Aku.

2008-09-29T01:57:00.009+08:00

Tapi sebenarnya, virus virus selsema sedang berperang dengan sistem imun aku.

Tapi kau memang ada efek lah. Besar, besar gila (dengan muka yang dibuat untuk meyakinkan benda yang tak meyakinkan).

2 hari till raya, and I got the flu. Have a better hari raya than mine, 'everyone'.

Smashing Pumpkins - "Perfect"

Takada sebab lain aku dengar Smashing Pumpkins dowh.

Kadang-kadang Aku Nak Jadi 6 Tahun Dan Tak Mahu Membesar.

2008-09-23T15:55:00.007+08:00

Audio: Sea of Love by Cat Power. Kenapa kau cairkan aku Cat Power, dengan nama kau yang kool.

Bagaikan Dust Speck Yang Menjerit-Jerit Di Ruang Angkasa. Ini Tak Penting.

2008-09-23T02:52:00.008+08:00

Audio Meeting Place by The Last Shadow Puppets.

Aaah. Tagging. Relevan ke fenomena ni. Significantkah peristiwa hidup aku dari pandangan dunia ini. Apa-apa pun it's 2.45 pagi dan aku kebosanan.

Dan kau nak kenal aku eh perempuan?

Satu.

Aku rasa aku tak cukup melayu untuk kawan-kawan aku, untuk Malaysia. Dan uh, Indonesia juga for that matter. Walaupun aku berdarah pure melayu. Walaupun aku memakai muka yang tak mungkin disalah anggap sebagai bangsa lain (aku pernah ditegur sebagai orang Nepal. Tapi itu cerita lain). Walaupun semua itu, aku rasa aku tak cukup melayu. Aku bagaikan jigsaw puzzle DragonBall yang sesat didalam kotak jigsaw puzzle Sailormoon. Tambah-tambah lagi kalau group kawan-kawan aku ni bercakap pasal politik. Semangat waja kemelayuan cukup tinggi. Memang tak mungkin melayu hilang didunia. At least tidak dalam budak-budak ini. Bagus lah boleh ada perasaan macam tu. Sesuatu yang kau percaya sangat-sangat sampai kau sanggup pertahan atas dasar apa saja.

That unconditional love for your people. Ia sangat cantik dan aku takada itu. It depends actually. kadang-kadang cantik, selalu sekali buruk nak mati. Jarang-jarang sekali ia menakjubkan.

Sebab aku takada benda ni, aku tak tahu. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa orang lain begitu pasti sekali. Kenapa hah? Kenapa Karem? Aku dah pernah tulis mengenai hal ni. Politik mengelirukan aku.

Aku tak mahu percaya kau sebab kau melayu semata-mata. Aku tak mahu percaya kau sebab lawan kau dituduh meliwat lagi. Aku taknak percaya kau sebab lawan kau tak turunkan harga minyak. Aku taknak percaya kau sebab jalan yang lawan kau buat banyak lopak. Aku taknak percaya kau sebab group lawan kau geng dengan bangsa lain. Aku nak lebih dari itu.

Inspire me. Make me believe that you're worth it.

Dua.

Teruk dalam flirting. Period. Untuk detail lanjut, boleh tanya perempuan ini.

Sekurang-kurangnya aku tak pernah cakap pasal gas masa flirting. Oh kejap. Aku pernah.

Tiga.

Aku suka French dan Paris. All for the wrong reasons. Audrey Hepburn. Paris When It Sizzles. Aaah. Kau pernah tengok Audrey Hepburn tak?

Tapi seriously, orang perancis menarik perhatian aku. Aku tak tahu kenapa. Dah la cakap funny. Berbulu. Aku rasa filem-filem diorang banyak menyumbang kearah fakta ini. Aku rasa kalau bagi aku silent film bahasa perancis (ada guna ke French tu kalau namanya silent film?) pun aku akan layan. Sekarang pun macam tengah tercari-cari movie French yang menarik. So kalau ada recommendation, beritahu lah.

Empat.

Menghidap wabak ketagihan melampau terhadap sitkom. You name it. Semua aku tengok. Yang best, tak best, aku terima seadanya. Antara sitkom yang paling hardcore aku ikut adalah Friends. Aku tahu. Jijik dan tak kool. Tapi it cracks me up, everytime. Reruns di channel 711 astro masih diacknowledge oleh aku dan adik beradik aku. Aku pernah marah kakak aku (aku rasa), sebab marah aku tengok show ni sebab rating dia 18SX. Masa darjah dua. Alah, bukan ada apa pun. Courtney Cox dan Jennifer Aniston masa muda-muda bukan hot sangat pun (hanya tuhan saja tahu apa aku dah lakukan kepada dua orang ni dalam kepala aku).

Bukti kepada tahap melampaunya minat aku terhadap tv show ini adalah satu event kecil semasa form four. Aku dan adik aku gunakan duit RM100 hasil keputusan PMR aku untuk beli CD season 6. Dan tahun berikutnya kami gunakan duit hadiah PMR adik aku pulak. Season 7. Dan tak lama kemudian kami sedar semuanya ada di Astro yang mana show ini ditunjuk berulang, ulang, ulang, dan aku maksudkan berulang kali. Demmit.

Lima.

Aku dan adik beradik aku adalah kumpulan geek terbesar yang aku pernah kenal. Kalau ada award untuk ensemble geek family, hah, kami dengan bangganya akan naik ambik award tu dengan sweater vest dan shorts yang mak kami belikan.

Adik-adik kau baca Gempak, adik-adik aku baca buku novel. Paling hardcore mengumpul fantasy novel. Ala-ala Lord of the Ring dan Warcraft. Adik beradik kau pergi mall main game arcade, adik beradik aku lepak dekat Borders/Kinokuniya. Adik-adik kau tengok astro ria, adik-adik aku tengok Discovery, Animal Planet dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Kami tengok Mythbusters macam show tu penuh dengan perempuan bogel. Abang aku dan adik-adik aku adalah pemain game WoW yang tersangat hardcore. Dan admit it, only geek yang hebat saja main World of Warcraft macam sami bertafakur.

Sebab tu aku tak pernah dan tak akan ajak orang atau kawan-kawan aku datang rumah. Sebab aku tau orang luar mesti tak boleh terima kenyataan family ni macam ni. Kami adalah satu kumpulan social outcast. Satu group adik-beradik ni.

Tapi mereka ini adalah yang terbaik. Sebab tu aku tak keluar rumah kalau bercuti, sebab kawan-kawan terhebat aku ada dalam jarak 10meter maximum. Dan jangan kau cuba meragui kegeekan kami. Aku pasti. Tiada tandingan. Secara group, kami tak akan tewas.

Siapa lagi pergi tengok wayang lima beradik dan bincangkan rating movie tu at the end of the movie. Siapa lagi yang pergi tengok wayang Iron-Man buat kali kedua sebab nak tunggu lepas habis ending credits ada satu lagi scene selama 30saat yang menampilkan konfrontasi Nick Fury dengan Tony Stark? Siapa lagi yang hafal fakta-fakta Chuck Norris? Siapa lagi? Abang siapa lagi yang kumpul trading card Lord of the Ring? Siapa lagi?

Enam.

Aku suka memancing. Sebab inilah satu-satunya aktiviti yang buatkan aku rasa macam aku budak kampung. Bagi yang tak kenal aku, aku memang terang-terangan bukan budak kampung. Kau ambik internet dan tv dari aku sumpah aku panas tak senang duduk satu hari tu. So hidup dengan kawan-kawan yang kebanyakkannya dari kampung buatkan aku rasa macam outcast. Bukan tak pernah ada pengalaman hidup dikampung, tapi sepanjang aku membesar, family aku berpindah banyak kali. Aku stresskan lagi, BANYAK KALI. Ini menyebabkan aku tak sempat ada apa-apa pengalaman hidup berkampung. So lepas habis SPM, aku pernah ada chance tinggal dengan tok aku dekat kampung. Sini bapa saudara aku ajar memancing. Tangkap cengkerik, cangkukkan anak katak buat umpan pancing ikan Haruan begitu menarik perhatian sekali. Aku boleh tunggu sepetang semata-mata nak bayangkan view aku memancing dikala matahari terbenam dekat sungai Jitra tu.

Aku tak tahu macam mana orang lain boleh buat benda ni sampai lima belas fakta. Mungkin sebab aku muda lagi ataupun hidup aku sememangnya tak menarik. Walaupun bukan semua, tapi so far, inilah dia.

Dig it woman.

Kalau Semua Orang South Afrika Macam Iain, Mesti Takada Movie Blood Diamond Kan?

2008-09-20T20:22:00.003+08:00

And Iain, the title reads if all South Africans are like Iain, the movie Blood Diamond wouldn't exist. Wouldn't it? In case if you're wondering again. Heh.

Click on for larger image.

Kalau aku boleh buat kawan dengan semua orang yang aku panggil paedophile, takada apa yang aku tak boleh buat.

Loosen up a bit. Jadi lah macam Iain. Iain Rocks. Kan Iain kan?

Kau Rasa, Iain Marah Tak Aku Panggil Dia Paedophile?

2008-09-20T16:57:00.004+08:00

Visitor dari South Africa. Aku musykil. Kenapa tiba-tiba South Africa. 10 minit masa terbuang membaca sampah. Then aku teringat ini;

Sebab itulah. Kau rasa dia marah tak aku panggil dia paedophile?

Kalau lah Semua Paedophile Boleh Tulis Macam Iain, Mesti Semua Orang Nak Jadi Paedophile. Kan?

2008-09-20T14:57:00.006+08:00

Audio: I Found a Reason by Cat Power.

Ini Iain.

Bagi seseorang yang nampak macam paedophile, dia sure boleh tulis cantik-cantik.

Iain disini.

Ini Bukan Jesus Christ Superstar.

2008-09-19T14:24:00.020+08:00

Ini Hamlet 2.

And I go. "Ouh. Shakespeare? Hamlet 2? Didn't everybody died in the first one?"

No, it's not fucking Shakespeare. It's Steve Coogan for God's sake. How's that for a review? "A movie where Steve Coogan directs a play called Hamlet 2. Musical Hamlet." Good enough for me.

Okayokay. The only way that I can think of so you guys can get the idea how funny the movie is, by picturing a great ol' black and white Malay movie, called Hang Jebat. Then Razak Mohaideen directs a sequel of the movie. Hang Jebat 2. Starring... wait, lemme see.. Nabil Raja Lawak. With a full pledge Penang accent.

Okayokay the comparison is biased. Comparing Coogan to Nabil? I can hear the heavens cursing over me. But heck, you get the idea right?

And if Coogan is not good enough for you, you can drool over Catherine Keener. The lady in The 40 Year Old Virgin. Not that one. The pretty one.

What more can you ask from a comedy yang masuk Sundance dan di tulis oleh co-writers South Park? I mean SOUTH PARK, kau tinggal kat mana selama ni tak pernah tengok South Park ke apa. Siri kartun yang menjadi faktor utama kecederaan organ-organ dalaman remaja-remaja US. Berdasarkan kajian oleh Universiti Ulu Bertam, Malaysia.

Dan jangan jadikan movie ini movie Little Miss Sunshine kamu.

"Oh tengok movie ni. Cover DVD satu family tolak terkejar-kejar van. Mesti lawak bodoh macam filem-filem Adam Sandler tu kan?" Letak balik DVD atas rak.

"Oh tengok movie ni. Little Miss Sunshine." Letak balik DVD atas rak.

"Oh siapa ni? Greg Kinnear? Siapa tu?" Kau mesti kenal Steve Carell saja kan? Itu pun mesti dari filem-filem dia yang tak best. Bukan dari The Office. Letak Balik DVD atas rak.

"Oh filem pasal apa ni? Beauty pageant?" Kau mengharapkan aksi-aksi lasak Vin Diesel? Letak balik DVD.

Little Miss Sunshine rocks. Tengok Little Miss Sunshine dan katakan aku salah depan muka aku.

Loosen up a bit. Tengok lah cerita lawak bodoh sekali sekala. Walaupun ia takada menang award daun padi seguni depan poster dan cover DVD.

Aku Tak Boleh Jadi Lebih Gay Dari Ini.

2008-09-19T14:24:00.006+08:00

"Setiap orang itu indah"
Yassin. 19 November. 1 pagi-ish.

Aaaww. Kau cakap ini lepas drama sinetron "Awekku Bukan Awekku" kau. Kau memang hebaaat.

Keluar mode Si Gay Ultimate.

Ah, jijik gila babi sin! Kau pasti ke setiap orang tu indah?

Apa Nama Lelaki Yang Pakai Topeng Tu Hah?

2008-09-17T15:29:00.004+08:00

Remember remember the fifth of nov--

Eh, wrong date? Okay okay.

Remember remember the sixteenth of Sep--

No? The building is still there?

Remember remember the seventee--

No? Not happening yet?

Remember remember the eighte--

No? Still not happening?
What? Nobody is blowing anything up?
DANG! No fun lah then.

p/s: sebenarnya kempunan tak boleh tengok V for Vendetta semalam.

You Are.

2008-09-17T06:06:00.007+08:00

Beck - Girl

The "sun-eyed girl" line keeps repeating.
Black-eyed girl would've been more perfect though.

Apa Nama Lelaki Yang Jerit-jerit Tu Hah?

2008-09-15T18:04:00.002+08:00

Eddie Vedder - Guaranteed

Kan? Kan?

Hidup Ini Memang Palat, Tapi Esok Masih Ada.

2008-09-15T16:13:00.005+08:00

Tapi kalau esok palat jugak?

Kalau esok tak palat pun, kalau lusanya pulak yang palat? Macam mana kalau hari lepas lusa tu pulak yang palat? Macam mana kalau hari-hari seterusnya dalam hidup kita ini tertakdir untuk palat selamanya. Apa kau nak jawab hah, producer-producer filem yang bijak? Apa lagi tagline cliche (tak cliche sangat lah kalau dah ada palat tu) yang kau nak letak untuk wayang kau. Konon-konon meletakkan harapan pada hari esok. Harapan adalah perkataan yang terlalu banyak sangat orang guna sekarang. It's overrated lah. Macam cinta, keadilan, kebahagiaan, kebebasan, album baru Radiohead, album-album solo Thom Yorke, kurma Yusuf Taiyoob, Tau foo fah (celaka, dah lama aku mengidam benda ni) dan scene matahari terbenam. Aku rasa matahari terbit lagi cantik. Demyu Hollywood.

Babi aku depresif gila. Sekarang adalah percubaan untuk menyalurkan kemarahan depresif aku terhadap tagline filem yang cuba memberi harapan dengan menggunakan perkataan street slang. Kau tahu street slang? Macam penjelasan yang urbandictionary ni;

"Words changed, twisted around and manipulated to distort the truth or to provide complete BS to what could be a very simple conversation or said simply by saying 'Duh!' or 'Huh?'. Usually spoken by MDMA eaters, Meth smokers and sniffers, Cocaine snorters, crack smokers, sometimes pot heads but most always drug dealers to make themselves sound kewl (actually spelled cool), but most always used to cheat, lie, steal and deceive some unsuspecting individual (they say fool) that has no idea what they are saying but thinks he or she does, but the fact is they are saying nothing at all. It is most always BullShit (or BS). "

Contoh;

Drug Addict says: Fo Shizzle my dizzle, what a bizzo meet me up the gizzo when you get a clizzo, and yo bro wuz the problemo?

Cop: Got no job, no life, and act like a criminal, I am taken your ass to jail punk!

Drug Addict says: For what? Sorry sir, I do not want any trouble.

Cop: for street slang dumbass!

Baca tu, "Usually spoken by MDMA eaters, Meth smokers and sniffers, Cocaine snorters, crack smokers, sometimes pot heads but most always drug dealers to make themselves sound kewl.(actually spelled cool)"

Actually spelled cool. Sempat lagi tu. LOL. Apakebangang definition ni.

Percubaan gagal nampaknya. Usaha meridicule tagline movie yang paling dinantikan remaja-remaja menjelang hari raya pertama nanti tak memberi hasil yang diharapkan. Sama seperti cubaan tengok laut dan percubaan menonton dos-dos stand-up act Eddie Izzard dan Jeff Dunham pada pagi tadi yang lazimnya berjaya dengan begitu cemerlang sekali. So kepada first timers, aku rekemenkan Eddie Izzard. Tapi kalau nak faham actnya seseorang itu perlu belajar French, sejarah perang dunia, The revolutionary war, dan Star Wars. Ataupun kau boleh lupakan semua tu dan tengok seorang transvestite yang buat lawak dengan accent yang begitu queer sekali. Seriously, google him or even better, youtube him. Dia dah tak memberi kesan kat aku lagi. Celaka.

Apa jenis depresi ni. Kejap on, kejap off. Tak mungkin aku ada hormon estrogen yang menyumbang kepada PMS yang Wahida selalu cakapkan tu. Kau memang banyak cakap pasal PMS wahida. Banyak mengeducatedkan lelaki-lelaki macam aku ni. Teruskan membitching.

Siapalah yang kenalkan aku dengan perasaan macam ni. Babi. Aku salahkan The Cure dan Rufus Wainwright. Lagu-lagu kau confusing. Lirik happy, lagu happy. Tapi aku tak berjaya nak happy. Lagu cinta kau lagi lah. It's the way you sing lah. Celakkkkkaaa. Ini sama seperti yang Rob Gordon katakan dalam High Fidelity;

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

Aku nak dengar lagu Mmmbop The Hanson Brothers. Aku nak dengar lagu-lagu koleksi aku dengan adik aku yang terkumpul bergigabyte yang mana abang aku delete untuk clearkan space untuk letak anime-anime dia dan tv show geeknya. Oppression terkejam dikalangan adik beradik. Aku nak dengar Moby, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Deerhoof, Mogwai, The Ramones, The Jesus and Mary Chain, Belle and Sebastian, Pavement, album-album awal DCFC, RATM, The Go! Team (tak mungkin boleh muncul perasaan sedih dengar band ni), Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Rumah Sakit, Dave Matthews, Pearl Jam... Mana Pearl Jam pergi hah. Haih. Aku nak vokal masterful Eddie Vedder memecahkan perasaan depresif yang dibawa vokal Robert Smith. Admit it. Robert Smith nyanyi lagu happyhappy techno pun akan bunyi sedih jugak. Tak Friday I'm In Love sangat laa. Aku tak kata salah pun. Suka hatilah nak menyanyi macam mana. Whatever turns you on. Noh Hujan yang orang kata monotonous pon aku tibai jerit layan jugak.

Kenapa susah-susah nak tunggu dan bergantung kepada Kurt Cobain. Eddie Vedder is alive and kicking. Ingatkan aku untuk tengok cerita Into The Wild sekali lagi. Sampai habis.

Ah. Memori terhadap Eddie Vedder hampir berkesan! Aku rasa kalau aku tengok Stephen Colbert merapu dan act-act Whose Line Is It Anyway dan klip dari Jimmy Kimmel Live pasti akan melengkapkan proses mengeluarkan perasaan yang membunuh Romeo dan Juliet ni. Diorang depressed ke hah? Aku rasa tak. Aku saja nak ingatkan muka Juliet lakonan Claire Danes. Never Fails! Hahah, palat no more!

Tapi itulah. Kalau esok palat jugak?

Apa Nama Band Dari...Dari.. Butter Dari Mana Hah?

2008-09-07T22:14:00.004+08:00

"Well I'll be damned."

Ataupun,

"Oh, apakah fenomena anomali alam semulajadi ini."

Adalah ayat pertama yang keluar dari mulut aku bila pertama kali mendengar single terbaru Butterfingers, "Kembali". Dan semalam selepas aku beli album band ni dan dengar semua track yang dimuatkan dalam perjalanan pulang ke Sungai Petani yang dihujani lebat, aku terfikir, Butterfingers nak aku berfikir, takpun mereka ni saja-saja poyo nak mati ambik lirik dan melodi lagu-lagu folk masukkan dalam album lepas tu jual sekeping rm29.90. Bersama sticker percuma.

I like to think it's the former. Sebab aku suka album ni. Budak-budak yang mula kenal Butterfingers dengan album "Transcendence" atau "1.2 miligram" mungki--. Scratch that. Semestinya akan rasa gatal tangan nak tukar cd Butter ni dengan cd Amy Winehouse sebab tak tahan dengan bait-bait lirik yang tersangatlah familiar sampai at some point terasa jijik.

"Enjit-enjit semut siapa sakit naik atas"

"Kera dihutan disusukan, anak dirumah mati kelaparan"

"Wang ringgit boleh dicari, tapi mana nak sama dengan kau seorang, yang suka berterus terang"

"Malam semalam gundah gulana, hari ini hari mulia, tak pernah aku rasa begini, seperti mati hidup kembali"

"Akan ku bina jambatan emas, demi menghubungkan aku dengannya"

Aaah. Admit it. Agak jijik kan? Tapi aku suka kejijikan ni. Macam peanut butter. Yang disapu atas biskut kering. Ataupun roti. Yang disprinkle dengan gula. Yum. Anyway, Butterfingers sendiri pun dah informkan awal-awal lagi sebelum diorang releasekan any of their singles. "Inilah lagu rakyat. Untuk rakyat." jerit Emmet dalam satu interview. So, adil lah kan.

Macam yang aku cakap tadi, band yang aku suka sejak dari zaman pra-puberty aku ni nak aku berfikir. Sebab kalau tak, aku hanya akan dengar bunyi bising lagu-lagu folk tempatan yang di alter oleh pemuda-pemuda yang nak cari duit time ada peluang. Rip-offs. So aku berfikir,

Dan aku dengar nasihat atuk nenek diiringi melodi-melodi indah. Which is mungkin tak cukup kool untuk difitkan dalam kriteria benda-benda yang mesti dilakukan untuk dilabel hipsters, tapi dah nak rare kan. Dengar lah album konon-konon keroncong ni.

Eh Celaka. Kenapa The Verve Buat Reunion Takada Orang Beritahu Aku.

2008-09-07T04:30:00.003+08:00

Apa Nama Perempuan Perancis Tu Hah?

2008-09-04T02:21:00.003+08:00

Masanya 9.30 malam dan aku kebosanan. Aku baru saja terfucked-up. Lain kali kalau nak pergi ambik exam, check the day aaand the date. "Rabu depan bang. Rabu depan." Kata salah seorang kawan terencat aku dengan sinis.

So aku keseorangan di bilik dengan aktiviti kegemaran. Kunyah toothpick.

Aku mencari-cari sesuatu untuk diketawakan selepas aku rasa macam badut masuk dewan kuliah yang kosong tadi dengan bersemangat waja untuk jawab exam. Aku mencari sesuatu yang kasar, lawak yang menjengkelkan. Oleh itu, jari aku pantas membrowse file download di laptop. Cursor terhenti pada "Don't Mess With the Zohan". Meh, pass. "Hellboy 2". Dah boleh agak ceritanya. "Machine Girl"? Satu scene saja dah boleh aku muntah sebaldi. "Speed Racer". Fuh. Kali ketiga untuk hari ini? Aku rasa tak. Akhirnya aku settle dengan In Bruges.

In Bruges. Aku sangkakan kau wayang gambar yang menampilkan Colin Farrell sebagai bintang aksi yang penuh dengan babak aksi yang mencemaskan sambil diselitkan dengan lawak-lawak yang penuh dengan kata sumpahan. Sangkaan aku meleset. Meleset in a good way. Tiada metafora yang dapat aku bandingkan disini.

The movie was good. Unexpectedly.

All good things come unexpectedly. But then again, they also come to an end.

I'll take my chances.

2008-09-01T14:56:00.000+08:00

Hey,

Hey,

Hey!

Simpan semua Mrs Starr. Dah puasa lah.

Waiting For The World To Change. But It Won't. Kan?

2008-08-29T21:19:00.008+08:00

Audio: People of the Sun by Rage Against The Machine.

Aku masih lagi marah. Berlatarbelakangkan musik RATM.

Maafkan aku sebab tak sempat nak taip kemarahan aku sampai habis semalam sebab aku guna laptop Mirrul-Hebat dan aku takut kantoi aku guna laptop dia tanpa kebenaran. Mana boleh, Security breach. Invasion of privacy! Red Alert! Red Alert!

Anyway, budak. Apahal yang kau tak puas hati dengan John Mayer ni.

Apa, sebab nama dia bukan Stevie Ray Vaughn? Bukan Jimi Hendrix? Bukan Eric Clapton?
Aku tau la kau puja gila dengan SRV tu (Gila wallpaper profile kau penuh dengan gambar SRV. Kalau aku tak tahu kau main musik, aku memang akan ingat kau gay). Bukan sebab ni?

Habis tu sebab apa? Sebab dia tak reti main Blues? White boy got no blues you say. Tengkorak kau. Apa kau nak dia main macam B. B. King? Buddy Guy? Kau nak dia namakan salah satu gitar dia Lucille? Tengkorak bapak kau pulak. Aku bukan arif sangat dalam musik ni tapi John Mayer reti main gitar wei. Kalau aku bawak dia jamm dekat DNA studio dekat BJ tu, menangis jugak budak-budak metal tu tengok jari-jemari mat saleh ni menari-nari dengan gaya penuh sensual sekali.

Apa lagi sebab kau bagi? Dia menyanyi macam gay? Apahal. Tak berasas lagi tak berkonkrit hujah kau. Okay aku admit, his breathy kinda singing is annoying, sometimes. Tapi pergi lah mati. His songs masuk apa kalau menyanyi macam tu. Cuba kau buat satu lagu cover John Mayer. Tak nak buruk pulak kan dengan suara Jerman kau tu. Lagipun Blues, menyanyi pasal perempuan kau yang curang dekat Georgia tu. Apalah yang kau susah-susah nak meng-overrated-kan musik ni. Aku mengaku, aku tak pernah dengar lagu SRV dan Jimi Hendrix. Cuma "Bold as Love" saja by Hendrix. Dan memang kalau aku tak mengaku mamat tu hebat memang retarded lah aku. Dia memang hebat. Semua yang kau puja angkat melangit dekat profile kau tu memang hebat. Takada siapa sangkalkan pon. Kau saja melebih emo. You retard.

Mohd Jayzuan tak bising pun. Apahal kau nak bising. Tabik sama MJ wei.

Bukannya aku puja sangat John Mayer ni. Tapi orang-orang macam kau ni lah yang merosakkan musik untuk aku. Orang-orang macam kau ni lah yang merosakkan politik untuk aku. Orang-orang macam kau ni lah yang merosakkan agama untuk aku. Orang-orang macam kau ni lah yang merosakkan filem-filem kegemaran aku. Orang-orang macam kau ni lah yang merosakkan siri-siri televisyen untuk aku. Orang-orang macam kau ni lah yang merosakkan dunia ni. Orang-orang yang kononnya "elit", "old-timer", "otai", "orang lama". Notice the air quote dan kononnya dalam ayat sebelum ni. Dua kali aku bagi. Ambik.

Memang lah semua orang boleh keluarkan pendapat in the so-called world with no borders ni. Aku mengaku memang partially salah aku. By partially, I mean screw you. And by mengaku I mean, tengkorak kau lagi. Heh. Gedik gila. Tapi sememangnya aku ada salah. Aku memang tak ada pendirian tetap. Kalau pemikiran aku boleh dijelmakan dalam bentuk, dia akan jadi macam air. Mengambil apa sahaja bentuk bekas yang ia isi. Kalau ini boleh jadi kenyataan, aku akan isikan fikiran aku dalam Claire Danes dan kami akan hidup bahagia bersama dalam satu bilik tertutup yang berlantaikan rumput hijau dan dikelilingi Unicorns.

Tanpa pari-pari ber-glitter sebab aku senang gatal hidung.

P/s: Memang anak Jerman tu tak akan baca post ni, tapi aku yakin ada 1,2,3...5 orang yang matter akan baca ini. Dan uh, aku masih lagi suka Hujan.

2008-08-28T20:53:00.000+08:00

Oh marahnya aku bila orang cakap John Mayer itu fake.

Oh marahnya..

2008-08-23T02:38:00.001+08:00

Oh fucking fuck fuck fuck.

I suck at flirting.